Are you talking to me?

It's only 12 o'clock and today has been awful. I just got off the phone with Phil and we had a big fight. Great.
We have this opportunity to rent a different house that has alot more land but the house is smaller. The bedrooms are smaller etc. From what I know of the landlord I don't like already. He told Phil to be on guard because he'd be over at the house alot in the beginning to check on us. He also does not want dogs in the house, but said he could come to our house to check out our carpet to see how it was and decide whether or not we could move in. We also don't have the money required to put down as a deposit. We just used our tax refund to pay off some bills about 3 weeks ago. If we move in the next few weeks I would have to drive Emma to school every day until June (an hour round trip).

There are alot of negative but when isn't there in moving? It's always nerve wracking.

So today I started to get used to the idea. I knew Phil would love the place only because it's private. He said "it's not our dream house but it's got land". Which is true, fine...no biggie.

He thought maybe I could borrow the money from my dad. I gave him a call and he said yes but he would need it back within a month...which is nearly impossible at the moment. So Phil said he would sell the jeep...and hopefully we would get some serious offers in the next few days. He said "you'll be without your car for a while so I can get to work." My response "I can't be without the car because I have to drive Emma to and from school because she needs to finish off the school year." He said "well then you can drive me to work then bring her and come back and get us." My response was "yes, but that will suck seeing as you start work at 7 and school doesn't start until 8:30."

Anyways without getting into to much detail the fight ensues from there and ended with him calling the guy and saying we don't want the place.

The really odd part is that I don't know where this came from. To me when all these doors slam in your face it's not meant to be. I don't want to rush into anything as bad as I don't want to be here anymore.

This morning when I got up I usually look for my verse on KLOVE...this morning though it wasn't on there and it never got emailed to me. After the fight I was kind of confused and upset and was thinking about it all the way to the bank and home. When I got here it was sitting in my inbox. I haven't had something speak to me in a while so I knew this was late for a reason....

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.
~ 1 Chronicles 16:11, NLT

God of the Impossible

Lots of changes around here lately. So many disruptions in our lives. I didn't know if we were doing the right thing moving. But I heard preacher say recently, sometimes you pray about it then step out in a leap of faith and let God provide. That's what we did coming here.

We've had some rough months and we will have many more ahead of us with our house etc. One thing God kept telling me is that "He was God of the impossible."

Of course me being me, would remind Him of this concerning things that I wanted and thought were best for me. I mean, come on. It's not like me to not plan my life out and the way it will go. "and then I will find thousands of dollars stashed in the walls...because you do that for others so why not me?"

All the while not finding any money but having God repeat "He is God of the impossible." I actually got mad at God because we didn't have money to pay all our bills last pay period. I got angry and asked Him why He would do this? He provided this job He was supposed to take care of our needs. Not only did we not have enough money but we also had money stolen out of bank account. Seriously. what. else. was. going. to. happen?
Thankfully, God is merciful and gracious. Thankfully we can't tick Him off to bad. (I thought for sure He would strike me dead the way I carried on.) I know some of you out there are gasping. "Why would you yell at God." Well honestly, He's my Father right? And I am supposed to cast my cares on Him...emotions included. Christianity is not a "religion" but a relationship. Wouldn't you tell someone you loved that they were ticking you off? Sure, I know that things are slightly different in this case because I really am wrong every time. But why would I hide these things from Him? He knows my heart anyway. Better to speak it and not be burdened with it anymore then to walk around ready to explode.

Like I said God is forever gracious and forgiving. He just kept on gently reminding me of this. Well the beginning of last week we had only 6 hours of overtime clocked. Nice to have overtime but since we took such a big cut in pay and we were already behind from last check we needed a total of 32 to just break even. My first thought, impossible. How could he possibly work an extra 32 hours in one week? There was no way. Again, voicing my concerns to God because there was nothing we could do. We weren't refusing overtime and we certainly couldn't create it ourselves. Long story short here we are on Monday ready to put his time card in and we have a total of 32 hours. The exact amount we need to pay the bills. He is God of the impossible. I never thought in a million years we would have gotten enough overtime, but He knew.

I ruled out getting pregnant in January, though I had been praying for a third child for years. I was fine with that. Phil was going to be gone a whole week during my fertile time and that was ok. We'd try in February. Except I never got a period. God, is God of the impossible, He knew, He had a plan much greater then ours.

It really is true that God is faithful to us even when we can't see it. He is faithful when we rant about not being able to pay the electric bill. For some reason, He is faithful to us even when we are not faithful to Him. When it's hard for us to see, and trust that this could possibly work out for good.

He is, God of the Impossible. And I look forward to see what else He will do this year. Seems to be His theme for our family in 2010. When our whole lives seem so very chaotic right now, He is God of the Impossible.

Will there ever be school again?

Today is February 16th. Emma has not been in school since February 5th due to snow fall.

Growing up in Massachusetts, and then living in upstate Ny for the past 5 yrs seeing this snow is nothing to us. We've probably had a total of 25" in the past 2 weeks, but thats just a dusting in NY terms. Here they don't know how to handle it. They actually called in the National Guard to come and remove snow and help clean things up. Its so ridiculous to me.

In other news I am supposed to be flying to Mass on Friday for my sisters bridal shower. Not sure how that's going to go though. We are supposed to get snow the rest of this week and I don't know if I will be able to get there and get home in time for Phil to work on Monday. I am glad I had everything sent to my other sisters house just in case I can't make it.

That's about all thats going on here. I am eagerly awaiting spring. From what I hear it starts pretty early here in WV, but I also heard that they don't get much snow so I am not sure what to believe : )

Now to go be referee to my children. I think they may be killing each other in the other room :0

Peanuts

"Mommy you a boy and Ethan a girl."

"No, Ethan your a boy and mommy's a girl."

"Oh yah, Ethan IS a boy. Boys has peanuts."

Yup, boys have peanuts! LOL!

On Friday my little girl turned 7

7 years ago on January 22nd our bouncing baby girl entered the world. Who knew 7 years later I would be sitting here uploading pics from all her birthday's past. Emma has a huge heart and is show compassion to everyone she meets. She is shy, but can warm up to you quickly and really does have a heart of gold. She can be a little out there and in her own little world but I know this is the reason why she is so creative. She is a perfectionist and has a temper, which can be challenging at times now but I know these things will help drive her as she gets older. So today I look back and reflect on the blessing she has been to my life. I always wanted a little girl and God quickly answered that request with my first child. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for her.



The day she was born.








Emma's first Birthday



Emma's 2nd Birthday



Emma's 3rd Birthday



Emma's 4th Birthday




Emma's 5th birthday

I don't have access to her 6th birthday pics right now so I will post them later along with the new 7 yr birthday pics.

Thanks you

Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge. Psalm 16:1

Thanks everyone for the support and prayers. I certainly need it and am very appreciative of it. I removed the posts because I don't want word to get out just yet.

Kim-I am sorry that you had to go through that as well but it does give me hope that everything will turn out all right for me. Thanks for commenting and keeping us in your prayers! : )

Daddy's home

Last night I was sitting on the couch with Phil watching Mythbusters. We sat from 10 until midnight just chatting about the show and watching what new Myth they set out to prove/disprove. As I sat there I realize that for the past 2 nights I was up after midnight. This has been happening more then once a week. This may not seem like a big deal for most, but for the past 5 yrs, I have struggled to be awake past 10.
It suddenly dawned on me that because Phil was home every night I was sleeping better...more soundly this is turn has given me more energy to stay up later.

I don't know if I was depressed or overwhelmed or what, but the past 5 yrs I haven't been myself. I have been under incredible stress and it came out in my sleep habits, my attitude, my relationships.

Though some aspects of our future are very scary and very unknown I know that we made the right decision. We needed Phil home more then we even knew, and I am so glad we took that step.

As I speak he is at work, because something went down so he is getting some overtime. OVERTIME?! That word was not even heard of in our last job. : ) Everyday was overtime....except he didn't get paid for it and our family paid a higher cost for any money that we did receive.

I am just so happy that we got off that train before we completely lost control. Now by God's grace to straighten up a few more areas of our lives and we will be at peace completely.

I am just so happy that he's finally home. We really did need and miss him. : )