I am about to loose it.

Still nothing. I hate not knowing what is going on. So we still MAY be moving next week but I am not sure. No word back yet. I tried to call once a couple of hours ago but she was out of the office so I guess I will try again in a few minutes. Normally I am so laid back but when it comes to things like this I like to know what's going on. Afterall, we could be moving next week. I think it's a test of my faith and patience. I really hate buying houses, and when we moved here I said this was it....I did not want to move again. But here we are two years later waiting to here whether or not we will move. Don't get me wrong I want to move, there is just alot that has to happen here in the next week.

And my son turns one not this Saturday, but the following Saturday. And I am really looking forward to throwing him a b-day party with all my family. If not, sad to say, he won't get one. And I know in retrospect it doesn't matter at all. But it does matter to me. Come on now we all know we have the parties for our sakes, for our memories, for our pictures. The kids don't remember a darn thing. But I would still feel as if I were cheating him in some way if we weren't able to do it. Yes life isn't all about the party, but I really like doing things like that.

So as I sit here and ponder why we still don't have an answer, I can only think that it's just what I said....a test of faith and patience. It is so incredibly hard to have these things in times like this. I am an instant gratification girl and perhaps a bit of a perfectionist. If it's a bit difficult I tend to give up....(a trait that my daughter picked up that I hate in myself) but at least I acknowledge it as a problem and I am trying my best to control it when inside I am seconds from having a breakdown. Most things don't come easily to me, and I get frustrated waiting...to get it right. It's awful I know. I want to say I have mountains of faith and in some instances I do....just not now. Maybe part of it is not wanting to get my hopes up to find out that it won't happen. Let's face it...we have already lost one house (by our choosing) so it's easy to give up.

I just can't wait until this is all over. I will be jumping up and down for joy knowing that the house is ours and the stress is gone. Well at least this stress.

Anyway I guess I will try to call her again. I feel like I am being a pest but I suppose this is her job and she is making alot of money off of this. I will let you know!

Good Friday..

Today is good Friday, i only wish I was feeling good. I woke up today with an awful headache and my heart is racing on and off. This may be due to the weaning off of the BC Pill I am on. I actually quit cold turkey after I found out the awful things it is doing to me. I hear it gets worse before it gets better! Not at all how I thought my Easter would go. My hormones are all messed up and I feel like I could break down any minute! Not to mention that we still haven't heard one work about whether or not we can rent that house and we are supposed to move in 1 1/2 weeks. I don't know what's so hard about giving us a rent amount. If he doesn't want to rent I would appreciate him just saying that. We had our hopes up and both love the house and the area, and now he is dragging his feet on this and it's really pissing me off. Talk about doing things at the midnight hour.

On a good note we have someone taking a look at our house tomorrow and I am hopeful that they will put an offer on it. They are getting married soon and looking for their first house so this could be a good option for them. I just pray this is the one because I stress out way too much over things like this and I need it all to be over with.

So hopefully this motrin will kick and and things will be better in a few hours. But for now I am off to clean!

A hot shower...........

....that's all I am asking for! I don't feel well, and the past 2 times I have gone to take a shower the hot water heater has been tripped and there is no HOT water. WHY? I am not in the mood for this.
I have been extra pissy these days and I really think it's the birth control pill that I am taking. It's giving me an awful time and I need to change but I think we are moving....key word is THINK, we still haven't heard yet, and i don't want to pay the doctor's payment here and then have to do it again anyway when we move since a NY doctor can only prescribe prescriptions in NY! UGH! I can't wait to tie my tubes! haha! Then I don't have to worry about all this!

I really need summer. I am tired of runny nosed kids, being stuck indoors, not knowing if we are moving or not etc, etc etc. The list just goes on and on.

It's just life really, I just hate moving. The waiting is especially hard. We have already started to button things up here and if we find out we are not moving it will be very disappointing. It's just the not knowing. I get like this every time. I want to know and then get on with things. We could move in 2 weeks, but then we may be here for a while as well. I don't know. Everything adding up just gets to you after a while.

Then I had plans to take the kids to the store to buy my niece a b-day gift and there is NO hot water to shower. No it's not the end of the world it's just the straw that breaks the camels back. Thankfully I have a shower, and a home.....it's just so hard to focus on the good at times.

Boy and I Debbie Downer lately or what?

The testing begins...

We are not getting that brown house that it posted in the pics below! We did however look at a beautiful house that is much closer to family and that is a rent to own. The house is perfect and we really like it it has everything that both of us wants. BUT, we may be running into some issues with the seller. We saw this house on a site as a rent to own for a certain price. When we talked to the realtor she said that price was way too high for us to pay per month and said it should be about $400 less. When she spoke with the seller he wanted to rent it to us for $300 more than originally listed. This may get sticky now. The realtor told him he was crazy as that was WAY to high for the market right now. He fought a bit so we are not really sure what he is thinking. We really want this house, but I don't want to be pressured into something again. I feel like this is our house, and am hoping and having faith it will all work out. Just as the other house fell through I knew if it did then God would provide something even better and he has. I really think this is where we belong, but maybe I am just blinded by the house! Who knows. So I am just having faith that it will all work out however that may be. It's hard to say that though. We are definitely excited to get this house and want it badly so if it doesn't work out we will be very disappointed. It's hard to trust in situations like this!!! I just so hope this works out for us!!! HOPEFULLY! We shall see! I will keep you posted.

Lord help me to remember if not this one then there will be something better!!!!

2 strikes left....

We are not getting that new house that we wanted. Phil and I have been talking and the more we talk about it the less we like the people selling it. They listed the property as a rent to own, but they are putting major pressure on us to buy this house in 6 months. If we don't they are raising the rent $400 a month! That's alot of money. And we may not be able to do that if this house here hasn't sold. I think they really just want someone to come in and buy it and that being the case it should not have been listed as a rent to own.

We do however have an appointment to look at a house this weekend. It is smaller than the house we are in but it does have 8 acres which is really important to Phil. We can always add onto the house as we will be paying much less for it. I actually have some pics of it. Now mind you it's nothing spectacular but the location is. It will be our little log cabin in the woods. And oh yah...no pressure to purchase. We can take our time and do it when we are ready.

http://www.noseworthyrealestate.com/picture%20pages/2645248pictures.htm

11 months old....so cute!

Shoot I missed it..........

I so wished I had my video camera today when I went to get Ethan from his nap. He was fussing a bit and I was in the middle of something so Emma said she would go up there and talk to him like she does often. So when I was done I went up there to get him, and there was Emma sitting on his little Giraffe rocker with her battery operated keyboard, banging away on the keys and singing all the while Ethan is dancing and laughing in his crib. It was so cute! But of course I had to say "I'm coming" as I walked upstairs and ruined it all! UGH! Hopefully they'll do it again so I can catch it! :(

Somes things I've learned but haven't mastered all of them yet.

I've learned
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned
that its not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned
that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes.
After that, you'd better know something

I've learned
that its not what happens to people that's improtant.
It's what they do about it.

I've learned
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned
that its taking me a long time to
become the person I want to be.

I've learned
that it's a lot easier to react that it is to think

I've learned
that you should always leave loved
one with loving words. It may be
the last time you see them.

I've learned
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel

I've learned
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be something else to
take its place.

I've learned
that heros are the people who do what has to be
done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned
that learning to forgive takes practice

I've learned
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distanace.

I've learned
no matter how bad your heart is
broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief

I've learned
that our background and circumstances may have
influenced who we are, but we are responsible
for who we become.

I've learned
that no matter how you try to protect your kids,
they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned
that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned
that although the word "love" can have different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

Babies

I know I have said this before but it still always amazes me at how in tune young children are. Specifically babies. They know when people aren't right. They sense some sort of imbalance or upset in a person's spirit and in turn it makes them very leary. They become apprehensive and clingy. Somehow as we age, we loose this, or rather ignore that feeling. We know when something doesn't feel right, but for some reason we choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. It just so amazing how a little being who can't even communicate verbally knows. If only we paid attention to that voice more.

11 months

Ethan is officially 11 months old today. He certainly gave me an awful night last night. I was so exhausted yesterday cause Phil had to leave here at 4:30 am to catch a flight. He was looking for something and I woke up and could not get back to sleep. Then at 5:30 Ethan woke up! So I had to be up anyway. The day just dragged on. I looked at the clock at 9 and I have already been up for 5 hours but it was only 9am! UGH! So I was hoping to get to bed at a decent time. But then my in-laws called and wanted to come see the kids. They didn't get here until 5:30 (kids usually go to bed at 6:30 and 7:00) and they did not leave until 8:30 pm. Needless to say they weren't in bed on time. So I tried to go to sleep and noises kept disturbing me and freaking me out so I couldn't . Then at 11:30 just as I dozed off lo an behold cries from upstairs. Ethan was up. So I brought him with me to sleep......BAD IDEA. I wish I had kids that would just cuddle up and sleep. Both of them are so active even while sleeping, they are constantly lifting their heads looking around, changing postitions etc. I tolerated it for about an hour and tried to put him back to bed. NO LUCK. So then I put him in one of his baby seats with a bottle. He sucked back the bottle and then thought it was play time! Needless to say he never went back to bed and maybe dozed off for an hour or two and then Emma was up at 7:00 am. So again, we did not sleep. School was canceled today and we are all cranky from not getting enough sleep. This should be an interesting day!

House

Sorry it's been so long! The realtor got back to us and said that we are able to list the house for higher than we expected so we are so excited! We had one person look at it already but they are not sure its "their" house. I am praying we will get a buyer soon!!!