A prayer by Carol Kent

Father, I am so quick to assume you have vacated my personal space when life doesn't go according to my plan. Help me to understand that when you seem the most absent, you are boundlessly present-working all situations together for my good and for your glory.

The whole world DOES revolve around me :)

Just kidding....well maybe it does. I don't know. I think it's the two little munchkins that call me mom that drive people's actions, but I would like to think it was me!

I tried to talk my dear old(really he's not that old..only 50...sorry dad) dad into going down to Florida with us. His reply...no, no, NO. I can't get time off from work. But he did just purchase a second home down there and needed to fix it up so that he can rent it out but there was just no way it was gonna happen anytime soon.

Until today. Dad called and asked when we were going. He said he and my YOM had to go down there in December from Thurs-Monday and wanted to know when we were going. It just so happens we are arriving on a Thursday :)

Now my grandma was coming from VT but stopping in MA that weekend to visit my dad. And she was saying it was too bad he couldn't come down during that time. And because she had to visit him she would not be to FL until the 23rd. Well dear old dad says that he may go down to FL the same day as we do and leave that Monday. And if dad does that, then grandma will follow :) So we will get to see my dad for Christmas and see my grandparents for longer than expected.

That is, if he purchases the tickets and does all this VERY soon!

Hopefully he will. And now I am off to get my son whom I have been ignoring. He only slept for an hour. What is wrong with this child????

It's official!

We are going to Disney!!!! December 18th-26th I will be in sunny Florida! What a project it is to plan a trip to Disney! YIKES! We thought most of our trip would be free, and it is, but this so called "free" trip is still costing us $2,000!
Our plane tickets were essentially free. Phil had 3 round trip flight rewards since he flies so much for work. BUT...they had black out dates. Hence the time frame we picked! If we did not come home on the 26th then we would have to stay until the 31st. I have no problem with this, but paying for dog care, airport parking fees etc can add up in a hurry! So home on the 26th it is. We also have to fly into Orlando (which is fine) but the original plan was to fly to and from Tampa because that is where my grandma lives. The total cost of the plane tickets $15.00. We had to pay for the taxes!

Next the hotel! Since the only flight we could get on departure day was arriving in Orlando at 5 ish we needed an extra hotel day. Hotel costs for a Disney resort $285. Which honestly is not bad at all seeing as it IS a resort hotel. One of the lower class ones, but really who cares.

Next a minivan. Phil has 11 free days saved up. We called to redeem them, and much to our surprise we can only use 7 at a time. Therefore we have to pay for one day on our own, plus taxes, plus car seat rentals! Total cost $250.

We are spending 2 days in the Magic Kingdom. Praise God that Ethan is free....because for the 3 of use for 2 days it is going to cost us....are you ready for this? Are you sure your ready.......$423! Yikes! But hey, it's where the Magic Happens right?

After our 3 days in Orlando we are driving to Tampa to my grandmothers condo. Only thing is her and my grandfather will not be arriving until the 23rd. This is not a big deal as we will have the place to ourselves, but on the other hand it stinks because we were hoping to be able to spend more time with them. They are leaving VT on the 19th and driving to Mass to see my dad and uncle and have Christmas with them before heading to Florida. I told them to ditch them and come straight to Florida ;) We'll see what happens. I know my grandpa would..not that he doesn't love the boys, but he LOVES warm weather even more! haha! So lets hope and pray they come a day early so we can visit longer.

Then the 26th it is back to Orlando to fly out that night! And when we get home we will still have 2 weeks off from school. LOL! Too funny. But we will be broke so we won't be doing a darn thing! haha!

I can't believe we are actually doing this. I am so excited to see my kids there. I have experienced it with my brother and sister when they were young and it was great. There is nothing like going to Disney with kids. And my step mom is having Ariel call Emma, and give her an autographed picture! What little girl wouldn't love that. I am also trying to arrange a character breakfast, so that she can eat in Cinderella's castle. I am so excited about this....I cannot wait.

Now I am feverishly praying that God will provide all the money we need. From what I can see we can come up with about $1200. Realisticly we only need $1369 to make this trip happen, but we want to have a buffer so we are not worried about buying an ice cream, or souvenier. Who knows when we will be able to go again so we really want to live it up down there.

Oh yah, and I told all of my family to purchase Disney dollars for the kids for Christmas so they will each have their own spending money. So we won't have to worry about that too much. I am so excited. And because I am going to Florida 2 months early, means that we can start trying in December for a baby! I had to wait a few months (doctor's orders) but I was extending it a bit so that I would not be pregnant in February when we originally wanted to go. Now I get to start trying 2 months earlier which is good news. I could still deliver a baby next year. If it's God's will of course.

That's all from me today. I am exhausted cause the baby was up literally all night. I was up with him from 1 am - well now 8:45 am. He slept here and there for maybe 20 minutes at a time. Just as I would doze off the crying began again. I think he is getting sick. I am hoping for a good nap time...for both our sakes.

Friends

Which Friends Character Are You?
	You are Monica. You have a go-all-out nature. Your friends better watch out, because you play to win. Also, when it comes to order and cleanliness, you're a bit obsessive compulsive. Your best trait, however, is your thoughtfulness. You go to great lengths to care for your friends.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I was afraid of that! haha! I think it's right except for the cleanliness part. I am a perfectionist, but not a clean freak!

This just made my day

This is an email I just got from my step mom. She is so awesome...I love her! She calls herself YOM meaning Your Other Mother! I just want to cry. This means so much to me. Emma is going to love this!

Hi Andi,

Just wondering when you're in Flordia going to Disney will you guys be staying at Disney overnight at all while you're there? My friends daugther Heather works there and I told her how you will be going and she told me If I can find out the name of the hotel your staying at, if you're staying at one while there, then she will arrange It to have one of the Disney characters call Emma and also give her an autographed picture of her favorite character. Let me know if you guys will be staying at a hotel in Disney or if your just staying with your Grammie the whole time.

Thanks,
Yom

Bad luck comes in how many?

WOW! It seems like we are really being tested lately, but God is good and faithful.

Obviously the first thing that started this chain reaction was the miscarriage.

My dishwasher broke. And really broke....Piece of junk is only 5 yrs old.....why can't they make things like they used to?

My kitchen chairs are falling apart. They are bordering on dangerous. Therefore I eat all of my meals in front of the t.v. lol!

Then we needed a whole bunch of money for doctor's bills because of the miscarriage. We needed money from the E.R. visit with Ethan. Thankfully, hospitals and doctors allow payments....with no interest!

Then we needed money for our closing. (This actually was unneeded stress, because the broker was wrong and we needed no money. What I don't get though....why did we pay him for doing a job that he didn't do right? Hmmmm?)


BUT then last weekend Phil was bow hunting (he got a doe, we have lbs and lbs of free meat in the freezer...gotta love that!) He tracked his doe and threw her in the back of the truck. He proceeded to drive his 4 wheeler up into the truck and as he was going up the ramps slipped out leaving him and the 4 wheeler teetering on the edge of the bed. Off went Phil, and shortly there after went the 4 wheeler. Thankfully, Phil is very good in dangerous situations and he was able to do a back flip and get out of the way before this 700 lb machine came down on top of him. Thank God is he fine and was able to get out of there with just a sore back. But the 4 wheeler parts are going to set us back about $400! There goes over half the money we had set aside for the closing! lol!

Then Friday we got tickets for the kids to go see Veggie Tales live. They were so surprised and had such a good time. We all did. It was really fun to see them light up over those huge veggies! We got home late and went to bed.
We woke up on Saturday and had a lazy day, until 5pm when we were off to the town Halloween party. Got the kids all dressed and ready to go, get in the car start her up and up the driveway we go...and hmmm..something just doesn't feel right. Hmmmm....smoke...do you smell smoke? We then discover....we have a flat tire! GREAT!
So we hop in Phil's truck and decided we will deal with my truck later.
Sunday morning...Phil tries to get the spare tire out from under the vehicle. Guess what? The tire does not come out! In fact it doesn't even budge! Apparently on our vehicle there is some sort of cable system that lowers the tire...and apparently you are supposed to lube this thing up every year...but we did not know this.
What did we do you ask? We had to call roadside assistance! Thank God Phil bought the extended warranty on the vehicle and it can be fixed for free! But do to NY state law they could not tow the car to the dealer because they were not open. So they came today...Monday morning...to tow the car. Poor Phil spent all morning sitting in the dealership waiting for them to get the darn tire off...which by the way they needed to use a torch for to loosen that puppy up.

We discovered that the tire slayer was a nail! It's great that all of that was covered but it is forcing us to purchase new tires which we DO need, but were not high on the priority list until today! $525 more to spend!

Then today. Phil was selling some stuff on ebay. He had only one day left on our camera...a very high ticket item...and his account gets high jacked and the auction got canceled. No more selling that! I sat on the online ebay help all day trying to get that all squared away. Thankfully it is all set now but it's still VERY frustrating to deal with.

So as you can see, we have been through some "stuff" the past 8 weeks! But God is good. HE is faithful and he is providing where we don't even expect it. And in the big scheme of things....whats a few hundred dollars. We are all alive and well, and happy.....stressed...yes, but hanging in there.

And above all, I see the faithfulness of God.

I see His footprints in the sand carrying me through this time.

The other day I was loathing in my pittifulness (is that a word?) and He spoke loud and clear. He said have a good cry and let go! It's time to let go. So my sweet little angel baby #2...I know you are safe and I will never forget...but I am letting go. I am not letting these depressed emotions take over my life. You know the odd thing I just discovered? The first baby I lost would have been born August 29th.....this miscarriage began August 29th 2 yrs later. And then the words.....never forget my faithfulness....and it's time to let go.

God is good.

I am so excited!

I think we will be spending Christmas in Disney! YIPPEE! I am SOOOOO a woman. I change my mind every 10 seconds! My grandmother called and said that they rented out their place for February and March but its open for December and January. She was saying how nice it would be to have us and the kids there for Christmas. And the more I think about it the more amazing it sounds.

I will keep you posted but I don't think much will change. But hey I AM a woman so you never know! :)

Oh yah and the neck is slowly getting better. I can turn it part of the way now. Hopefully tomorrow it will be all better!

October 23

It is 7:30 am here, and I still have lots of neck pain. I hate it! I don't think anyone quite realizes how much you use certain parts of your body until they can't use it! That's the way I feel about my neck. I have trouble lifting Ethan, bending over is a chore, trying to change diapers...painful. I just want to feel better. I have to admit that rest is helping. It feels so much better if I lay still, but lets face it. I have two kids. I can't just lay around ALL day. Luckily Emma is in school, and when Ethan naps I get rest.
I never knew how much you use your neck muscles to hold your head up. I must have a big fat head cause if I am sitting up the neck pain is 100 times worse.

Did you know that you are not supposed to put heat on a pulled muscle for the first 48 hours? I didn't! I read that yesterday you are supposed to ice it for no more than 15 mins at a time for the first 48 hours then you can introduce heat, but wet heat...like a shower.

I was supposed to volunteer at Emma's school today, but they sent home a note saying that they will not need me there since they are having a bus safety program this morning.
I am relieved about this because I don't think I could drive properly!

I have also been taking muscle relaxers that the doctor gave me for when I get tension migraines. It's not doing much to loosen the muscle. come to find out, muscle relaxers just block the sensation of pain going to the brain.

Oh my gosh! I just walked into the kitchen and laying on the table I see the socks that my wonderful daughter was supposed to put on her feet before leaving the house!
Now she is at school all day without socks! UGH! Kids! lol!

Ouch!

This morning I threw my neck out! No, not in the trash....I mean I pulled just about every muscle known to man in my neck. And it hurts. I have no idea what happened!
My husband was leaving for work and I gave him a hug. I picked my head up and leaned back a bit to look at his face because he was talking. AND THEN IT HAPPENED! PAIN! Incredible paid running down the left side of my neck. It is now 3 o'clock and it's still not any better. I have taken muscle relaxers, rested and iced it, but there is still pain.

Trust me the last thing I want to be doing right now is icing my neck. It is cold here. Very cold. In fact it actually snowed last night. Here is a picture to what we woke up to. I know what you all are thinking! Snow in October? This happens to us every year. We always get one snow in October and then it warms up and is usually half way decent until Thanksgiving.

So today I am bored. I can't work out which I am torn about. I want to, but don't want to! I can't really do too much because I can't move my neck at all.

Friday we are taking the kids to see Veggie Tales Live. I am excited about that. It's the first "show" they have ever been to. We haven't told them yet..I think we will just surprise them when we get there.

That's about all the news we have for now. Emma will be home any minute so I guess I should start getting my shoes and jacket on. Cause baby it's cold outside!

Hunting Widow

Today is opening season of bow hunting. Phil is officially gone all the time now! lol! He went out this morning and think he got a doe at 3 pm. He is still tracking her.

Today I took the kids to the Fisher Price store and we did all the shopping for the birthdays and for Christmas presents for all the little kids in our lives. This is the end of present buying for the year..except for Santa Claus!!!!

I think I did really good. I spent $117 and got 3 items for Emma for Christmas (I snuck them in without her seeing them)since they were on sale. I got a Birthday and Christmas present for my nephew, I got presents for both of my nieces for Christmas, and I got a present for a friend at school who has a b-day party on the 26th that we have to go to. I didn't think that was too shabby.

Then we went to Subway for lunch. After we that we went to the store to get supplies for making cupcakes! Remind me to never again go to a supermarket on a weekend!!!

When we got home the baby went to bed, I started a fire and then we made cupcakes.
And not just any old cupcakes! Frankenstein cupcakes! That's right...I said frankenstein. Try to hold back your jealousy! haha!!!!

Here is a pic of the finished product!!!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Lazy day

I am so bored today. Don't get me wrong there is so much to do around here, but it's just one of those days. It is damp, and raining, dark and dreary. It makes you feel "blah" I have absolutely zero will power today. I want to curl up on the couch and be a lump!!!

I actually was able to steal a few moments with my son today. He was sitting on the couch watching cartoons and I went into the living room and sat on the couch with him. I got a full half hour of snuggle time just sitting with him smelling his sweet baby smell.

It's funny cause when he was a newborn he didn't want to leave my side. He wanted me to hold him all the time, he even slept on my chest every night. It was comforting to him. It seems all nice and cozy but after a while you long to roll over on your side while your sleeping!

Then they get older. They learn to walk and snuggling isn't high on the list!

So today was special. A short 30 minutes of just cuddling up with him was heaven!

I will take it where I can get it, even if I DO half to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse to get it!

How is it possible?

As I sit here typing, watching my son walk around I am wondering "How in the world can something that little walk?"

Seriously...have you ever watched a 1 year old walk? It seems so wrong. They are babies....how is it possible to toddle around the house?

I don't know just another thing about creation that amazes me.

Perhaps I am easily amused.....you be the judge.

Yesterday 10/14

I did the 30 day shred again. Hopefully it's shredding....because I really despise doing it. I am so impatient! I want that new hot bod now! I am hoping to see some sort of weight loss on Friday....fingers crossed!

Am I lucky or what?

Have I mentioned how wonderful my husband has been lately?

As many of you know I went away for 4 days last month. Ever since I have gotten back my hubby has been pitching in and helping out 100% more than he has before.

Every morning that he is here, he will get the baby out of bed and get him milk and bring him to our room. ---It's so nice not to have to jump out of bed first thing in the morning.

Sunday he made us all breakfast. Homemade apple cinnamon waffles. And cleaned up after. Boy were those good!

He helps me clean up after dinner--normally he would go to the computer and do his own thing. Now he helps clear the table, put things away and even helps with the dishes. How great is that?

Diapers! He is changing so many diapers!

Laundry....he has done laundry!

I know, I know most of you would say what's the big deal. He should do these things anyway. But truth is...he never did in the past. A lot of the burden of these things fell on my shoulders, and boy were my they aching. You don't realize how nice it is until you go to change a diaper and it's done, or go to do the dishes and they are done. What a treat.

Anyway I am very thankful for all the extra help I am getting. I have to be sure to let him know how much I appreciate it!

Complaints about my physical condition.

A little update on personal matters. I am SOOO trying to find some positive out of this whole situation (the miscarriage) but it seems like something new gets thrown at me everyday. Right now I am bleeding. It's not the bleeding that worries me...it's the fact that I have been bleeding for 11 days. Yup you heard right 11 days.

I called my doctor today and said that this isn't the usual thing that happens after miscarriage but it's not something to really worry about yet. HUH? I know it's not hurting anything but it is darn annoying. And he did say that to me, but still. You are a doctor fix me for crying out loud! I know there is nothing he can do...I just wish he could! This whole process is just getting tiresome.

Anyway so I still feel tired, I am still bleeding....I AM a woman with an issue of blood. That poor lady in the Bible. How did she deal with it all those years? Especially since she had to yell "unclean, unclean" wherever she went. Some of the things I go through are humiliating but I can't imagine if I had to announce to every stranger walking by that I was "unclean".

I know what you are thinking...but you are announcing to everyone that you are "unclean" you are posting it for the world to see. TRUE! But I don't have to look anyone in the face...or scream it to the check out lady at the supermarket.

The doctor's instructions were to wait. Wait it out. And after the next pack of pills I am still having a problem he will readjust from there. Can I take one more month of this? I will be all fixed and straightened out just in time to come off the pill again! YIPPEE!

I'm so excited, and I just can't hid it....

Tomorrow is my first official MOPS meeting of the year. I cannot wait. I am so excited to go and be able to have some grown up time. Don't get me wrong going on my mini-vacation was amazing, but that only happens on rare...very rare...occasions.
But at MOPS I get a total break twice a month for 2 1/2 hours! Oh the joy! It's a little slice of heaven.

I must admit though, I am a little nervous about the whole thing. Ethan is really feeling his oats lately. He has major outbursts to put it nicely. I wouldn't say they are temper tantrums because he doesn't have much of a temper. He just seems to have 2 emotions....super happy, and super mad! haha! When he is happy, he is the sweetest little boy around but if he gets upset....LOOK OUT WORLD! My sweet little boy decides to throw himself on the ground kicking and screaming.

Did I mention we never had such body expressions, when Emma was his age. She has a temper, but she is more scream and throw things...you know what I mean? Never once did I ever see Emma throw herself to the ground...it just wasn't her.
Ethan on the other hand will drop in a moments notice!

This age is so hard. I said it with Emma and I repeat it with Ethan. I really dislike 18 months old to about 2 and a half. They are still babies, and they are smart, but not smart enough to control themselves. It doesn't matter if you punish them...they just don't care. Have you ever tried to get an 18 month old to stand in the corner? Have you ever slapped the hand of an 18 month old? They look at you and either laugh...or get more mad..and continue with their fits.

And embarrassing. Did I mention embarrassing? Now I know, every mother has gone through this, but why me? Why my kids?
And why is that even though every mom has been through it, we still get the cold stares every time it happens. You would think being a mom would make you more empathetic to all of this chaos.

So anyway back to the original topic. Now you can see why I may be a little nervous about tomorrow. God forbid one of these little episodes takes a hold of my dear son. Actually I am pretty sure IT WILL happen because MOPS is during nap time...haha! I am so screwed!

Anyway...I need to get my behind into bed.

I have so much to post about tomorrow though, about my wonderful husband. I am very blessed...that's all I can say. Stay tuned!

I hate the house buying/refinancing process

Why are closings so incredibly confusing?

We are in the process of refinancing our house and should be done with this whole thing in the next week or so! THANK GOD!

But the one question that keeps running through my mind is: How much do we have to bring to closing?
Yes they gave us a good faith estimate, but they are so darn confusing. Just when you think you have it all figured out it completely changes.

The way I read it is that we will be receiving money back and will not have to bring any. Is that weird? I really think that is strange. Why would the bank give us money back? Why wouldn't they just make the loan for what it is?

But the line says Total Est. funds to you...and then it gives an amount.

It really doesn't make sense.

At first they told us that we MAY need one full mortgage payment at closing, but that was before we got the appraisal back. How do we go from bringing a mortgage payment to getting money back?

Again...I don't get it. And trying to get an answer out of the bank it like pulling teeth. But I like to know these things as far in advance in possible. Is that so much to ask?

Today's exercise

Today I did the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred again! Did I mention how much I hate this!!! UGH!

I will only be weighing myself once a week. I weighed on Friday, so Friday will be the day from now on.

I am not doing much with food other than cutting back portion size.

I have zero energy. I am excited for the day when this exercise pays off with a thinner waste line, and more energy.

I hate exercise with a passion!!!

But Rejoice in the Lord always...and again I say rejoice!

Liar, liar pants on fire

Not only did I not work out yesterday, I did not weigh myself this morning either! OOPS!

I did however do the 30 days shred video segment so that's good.

I decided instead of beating myself up for missing yesterday...I will gladly revel in my victory today....even though I did lie to you all. Please forgive me!

Ok now I have to attempt to sneak in a shower before Emma gets home. Will it happen? I sure hope so, because I am pretty stinky after that workout!! :)

Are you worthy of more?

The parable tells of a master who was leaving his home to travel, and before going gave his three servants different amounts of money. On returning from his travels, the master asked his servants for an account of the money given to them. The first servant reported that he was given five talents, and he had made five talents more. The master praised the servant as being good and faithful, gave him more responsibility because of his faithfulness, and invited the servant to be joyful together with him.

The second servant said that he had received two talents, and he had made two talents more. The master praised this servant in the same way as being good and faithful, giving him more responsibility and inviting the servant to be joyful together with him.

The last servant who had received one talent reported that knowing his master was a hard man, he buried his talent in the ground for safekeeping, and therefore returned the original amount to his master. The master called him a wicked and lazy servant, saying that he should have placed the money in the bank to generate interest. The master commanded that the one talent be taken away from that servant, and given to the servant with ten talents, because everyone that has much will be given more, and whoever that has a little, even the little that he has will be taken away. And the master ordered the servant to be thrown outside into the darkness where there is "weeping and gnashing of teeth."

FROM Matthew 25:14-30

I always looked at this parable as a money thing. Work hard and you get more. I never really thought it applied to other areas of life until today. A preacher by the name of Jimmy Evans enlightened me to this subject.

He asked...."Do you feel like you have a calling on your life? Do you feel like you are fulfilling that calling? Are you happy with what you ARE doing?"

He said that he was called to be a preacher at 17 though this did not come to fruition until much later in life. He said that there were many steps and a while process to bring him to where he was meant to be. That it takes time, hard work and effort to get to the goal.

I thought of this in my life. For instance my house. Why in the world would God give me more, when at times (ok alot of times) I don't take care or take pride in the one I have? Why would God give me more children if at times I am not giving 100% to them? Why would marriage be any better if I don't put forth the effort? Why do I expect to sit back and do as I will, and then grumble when things seem to fall apart?

Maybe the problem here is greed. Who wouldn't want everything for free? But as you see, from the parable that if you don't work hard at with what you have God will actually take from the poor and give to the rich (faithful). Perhaps that is where I am in my life. I have had this attitude of complacency and lethargy. I feel entitled to things just for being me...when in reality we have to work and truly do our best to receive more.

Maybe you are somewhere you never thought you would be. maybe you are stuck in a crummy place, knowing this is not what you were called to do. But sit back for just a minute and ask yourself..."am I doing my best with this?" If the answer is no, then go out there and put forth your best. Hold yourself to higher standards. Require more of yourself. This may just be a stepping stone to where God would have you to be, but in the meantime give your best where you are. You will be rewarded.

Exercise

I am determined now to loose this weight before we begin trying to conceive again next year. So make me an honest woman here! haha!

Yesterday Phil and I took Ethan for a walk while Emma was in school. We walked 2 1/2 miles!

Today I plan on doing the Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred. I am watching the View right now---my only guilty pleasure during the day---though I am ready to give it up because I am sick of listening to political fighting day in and day out!

I haven't weighed myself in a long time...I am afraid too. I will tomorrow morning before I eat so I can get an accurate picture of my weight.

Anyway, I hate exercise with a passion, but I hate being fat even more...so off my butt I go to hopefully shed some of these pounds that are stuck to my midsection.

Wish me luck!

Melt down at kindergarten.

Today was the first day I volunteered at Emma's school. What a disaster. I felt so bad. My normally happy, cheery son decided to reek havoc on the whole hour we were there. We got there and things started off normal. I was to help the kids in the different stations if they needed help. Mostly just gluing and encouraging the kids as they did their project. After the first rotation all hell broke loose. Ethan began bugging Emma as she was at one of the reading stations and one of the teachers said that Ethan could play with the blocks. So we took out the blocks. I left him to play as I helped the other kids. About 10 minutes into it, he began screaming at the top of his lungs. Nothing would calm him. He didn't want to play, he didn't want to be held....HE WANTED TO SCREAM AND CRY! I took him into the bathroom finally got him calmed down and we went on. The second rotation came up and I was able to help one of the children a little bit and the whole drama began again. Screaming, bloody murder....as loud as he could. He was upset, by what I don't know, but Ethan was upset. Now mind you there were no other children around him at the time so this shouldn't have been an issue. He just had issues with himself. Screaming crying, throwing himself on the floor kicking...all out knock out drag down! Finally Emma's sweet teacher came over and said "you can leave if you want we are wrapping up anyway." She was very sweet about it, but I know translation is "get your screaming child out of here now, because there is more bad than good coming out of all of this." So we did! 15 minutes early we get kicked out of class. Can I just tell you I have never been more embarrassed in my life. I left crying because I could not believe this was happening and I could not believe I had to leave Emma early. This is what I stay home for...so I can help out at the school.

I was contemplating going on a field trip with them next week but guess what? That is not going to happen. And it kills me cause I wish I could do these things, but I guess not.

I need a nap!

Radio Blessing

I heard something on the radio the yesterday that really struck me. Chuck Coleson was on saying that in these times that we are facing naturally there are many that are scared. He said that he was praying about the circumstances for his own life "Oh Lord protect us, and provide for us" etc. etc. Then he heard God speak to him. He said that his prayers were coming from the wrong vain. He said that he needs to be doing what he was called by God to do, and the rest would fall in place. So instead of coming before God in fear, do what you were called to do and HE will take care of the rest.

How true is that? Really that's all we can do anyway. We can be scared all we want, but in the big picture we really cannot do much to REALLY change the situation. What will be, will be. It's hard not to get caught up in it and panic. Another good piece of advice I heard was to take the negative out of your life. I did this a few weeks ago when I stopped watching the news. True, maybe I will be uninformed but all the madness that is going on in the world is adding to the madness that is happening in my own world and putting me on the verge of a break down.
Also eliminating any TV show, book, or person (at least for a little while) that is negative. Anything that would play on those emotions.

So in the midst of all the madness I am going to try to do what I was called to do. For now that is to be a mom and a wife and to do it to the best of my ability. I think I need to set aside the "self pity" and do the best I can with what I have. The rest will be added.

This little insight has helped me, and I am hoping that by passing this on it will in some way touch your life too.

Perfect Timing

Have I mentioned before that whenever life gets rough I stumble across just the perfect words at just the perfect time?

Here was a devotional today that I just happened to click on. I read them everyday for a while there, but I have been slacking lately. Today I clicked on it, and this is what it had to say:


Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Is Jesus Enough?
by Lysa TerKeurst

“That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12 (NIV)

I stopped in my tracks the other day as I was mindlessly singing a beautiful praise song. I say mindlessly not because I wasn't focusing on God. I was definitely lifting up my heart to Him. But the mindlessly part came when I realized I had no clue of the weight of the words in this song. Did I really mean what I was singing? The song said this to Jesus: "You're all I want. You're all I ever needed."

Really? Did I really mean those words? Is my Jesus enough? Ultimately the question should be: Is my relationship with Jesus in such a place that if He was truly all I had today, would I still stand and sing those powerful song lyrics?

The economy is shaky, funds are tight, prices at the gas pumps and grocery store keep rising. Am I going to let my heart be drawn into a place of worry and fear over all this instability? Or will I quiet my soul and calmly proclaim, “Jesus is my Provider and He is enough.”

Today my son Jackson, who just got his driver's license, will be driving to a friend's house to watch the football game. His friend lives less than five miles from our house. But statistics show that most car accidents happen on the roads we are most familiar with, those closest to our homes. Will I be able to smile, tell him to be careful and let him drive down our driveway with full confidence that no matter what, Jesus is enough?

I don't know what kinds of twists and turns might come during my life journey. But, I know the only way to travel with a joyful peace is to settle in my heart the answer to this question once and for all. So, today, I declare Jesus is enough. Before I even know in what way this declaration will be tested, I've made the decision to say it, believe it and settle it.

Jesus is enough.

I think this is why Proverbs 31 is my favorite portrait of a godly woman. Proverbs 31:25 reminds us, "she can laugh at the days to come.”

She was filled with such incredible joy not because life was perfect but simply because she had decided to make laughter, peace, and truth the hallmarks of her life. Proverbs 31:30 goes on to say this was a woman to be praised because she so reverenced God in the shrine of her heart. She knew without a doubt, He was - and still is - enough.

Dear Lord, Thank You that in this world we don’t have to live consumed with fear of the unknown. For You know all things. Nothing will happen to us that does not first pass through Your hands. May I find peace in Your love, which is so consuming for us that You only have our best interests in mind. Help us to believe and trust in that truth no matter what. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Why do I worry so much?

Why does it seem like the saying "when it rains, it pours" is so true in almost every area of life right now? I just feel like it's been one thing after another lately. The thing that set it off was the miscarriage and now things are breaking, and falling apart everywhere I turn. I am very much looking forward to the end!

I am sure my raging hormones have something to do with my ability to be able to tolerate these minor bumps in the road, and that right there proves my point! All these little things adding up and me being extremely hormonal. This is not a good mix.
I have gotten my cycle back now..though at this time I should not have a period since I have been taking birth control for two weeks! This means I will probably get a period twice this month...YIPEE! Do you sense the enthusiasm and joy in my voice?

This time of year always seems to be a stressful one for us. There is so much going on, so much that needs to be paid for, so much that seems to break...and every year it's the same thing. You would think by now I would be used to this mess or at least prepare myself in some way or another.

I just turned on my music cd that I bought at the Women of Faith Conference and the song "Again I say Rejoice" came on. Boy has that changed my mood in just a matter of minutes. I feel better. I forget how reminding myself of these things, can change your whole day. I have been stuck in a rut looking at the closed door. I think I need to listen to this cd every morning and leave the worrying to the only one who has the power to change things.

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:4-13