From the mouth of babes.....

So I have been struggling lately with Emma and her picking up her toys. She will be 5 next month and is absolutely capable of doing this she's just a bit lazy. So yesterday I got fed up with it and I decided to try something I saw on supernanny. I gave her all day to clean up her room. I instructed her on what to do, and told her that anything left on the floor at dinner time would be taken away in a trash bag and she would have to earn it back. I gave her several warnings about our upcoming dinner etc and tried to persuade her to clean up. Finally it was dinner time and so I went up there to check on things. Of course nothing got done. So it killed me but I began picking up each toy and placing it in the bag. Emma began to tear up and ask if I was going to throw them away and I told her no that I was going to hold them until she could prove she could clean up and then I would slowly give them back to her. She immediately perked up and said "oh here's a toy" "You missed one over here." I thought this quite odd, but kept collecting. When I finished, she looked around the room and said "Well at least my room's clean now!" haha! It backfired! Thanks Supernanny!!!

BABY FOOD

This is kind of a silly post, but I made baby food for the first time today! WOW was it easy. I thought it would be really tedious but it wasn't and the best part is that the baby absolutely LOVED it! I had thought about it before but that was as far as it went. Today I was staring down a whole bunch of bananas that were starting to brown wondering what I would do with them all because I knew they would not get eaten before we left on vacation. I have made numerous loaves of banana bread already and thought...why not give the baby food a try. So I took my bananas and found some apples that were starting to get soft and I threw them in a pot to steam for 4 minutes! Yes 4 minutes....that's all it took. Then I took them out peeled them and proceeded to mush them all up. I decided to add some brown rice cereal to it for some bulk and then separated them into my ice cube trays! I had one whole tray filled and a bit left over so I decided to give it a try to see if he liked it! Well he wolfed down the first bowl and asking for another serving! So that's what he got! It was so easy and a hit! AWESOME! I think I may do this from now on. I just would like to purchase the containers from One Step Ahead so if I had to take a jar with me I could. Unless I save some of the food jars I have now for travel....hmmmm! It's so exciting to make nice healthy no preservative added food for this little guy! The only thing that could be better is to grow it myself then process it.....maybe next summer!

Things I am grateful for

I think in the everyday hustle and bustle of things we tend to forget to really great things in our lives. I have found that it's really easy to complain about things, but much harder to stand up and state the positive. So I decided to list some of the positives in my life here.

1. A wonderful hard working husband whom I have been happily married to for 8 1/2 years.
2. 2 Beautiful children, who are healthy and happy.
3. The roof over my head, heat, food, my car that is safe and runs.
4. For having a miscarriage. So much good has come from that and I have been able to help so many people through their own loss and somehow now, it all makes sense.
5. God's mercy. He gives us way beyond what we deserve. I really am a lousy person sometimes, yet he is always there providing for me.
6. Empathy. This year I have learned so much to get over my feelings and tap into the other side of the story. Sometimes our end isn't all that bad. And perhaps if we sat and listened a lot of good can come from a bad or inconvenient thing.
7. My daughter who does have her head in the clouds. It's so aggravating sometimes, but she is so sweet. She dances around in her own little world and can stop to appreciate the small things. The sighting of a lady bug makes her day. Time is not an issue for her.
She is funny. She always makes us laugh, and has from the day she was born. She has NO FEAR! She grabs life by the horns and embraces all it has to offer.
She is a people pleaser. She is a perfectionist. At times this can be a hindrance, but how great is that to want to do things right and to please.
She is thankful for everything she has. She gets this from her dad. He is always saying thank you for the simplest things and she has picked up on this. They thank me for every meal I make them. I need to learn this lesson and be more grateful for the simple things.
8. My son. He is the sweetest little boy ever. I get stopped everywhere I go and the first thing people say is "I can't believe how happy he is." He is smart. I swear he talks already. He mimics sounds so accurately and at correct times. He looked at our wood stove the other day pointed and said "hot" or so it sounded. He says "dada". He says "hi" when anyone walks in a room. And when I was on the phone with Phil the other day he pointed at my phone and said " e ro, e ro, e ro" (hello, hello, hello). He is so beautiful and sweet and I can't imagine my life without him. He was meant to be my son. He was the one chosen to be in our family. I feel there is something great in store for this little one.
9. For forgiveness. For myself and that I am able to give it to others. Forgiveness sets you free.

The list could go on and on, but that's what I am feeling at this moment. I hope during this Christmas season we can all sit back and see the beautiful blessings that our in our lives. Find joy in the small things. Allow yourself to live in the clouds every once and a while. It never hurt anyone to appreciate the small things!

Slight Revelation

I was researching some solutions for Emma and I realized ever year around this time she turns into a little brat. And no, it's not because she receives toys. I think I figured it out. SUGAR!

"Without a doubt, a diet filled with refined sugars is the number one cause of behavior problems, moods swings, and attention deficits in young children."

It's so hard this time of year to avoid these things. There are Christmas parties around every corner, Christmas cookies that we make every year, candies, cupcakes, cakes etc. YIKES! Sugar overload! And my lovely daughter has a habit of sneaking candy and sweet treats quite often. As many of us, she has quite the sweet tooth!

I think the minor flaws that she has are compounded by the effects of the sugar running through her body. I am hoping that I will be able to regulate all this better and get her off of the sugar, so I can have my sweet little girl back.

Frustrations

Things with my soon to be 5 year old daughter have been really rough lately. I don't know if it's a stage, if it's me, or something else, but I am almost at the end of my rope and know that things need to change. I really feel bad complaining about my daughter because she does have so many good qualities (bring on the mommy guilt) but at times, well most of the time lately, we seem to always be at odds. I haven't had a smooth good day with her in quite some time now. The issues:

1. She needs to be told several times to do even the simplest of tasks. An example of this is "Emma can you please put on your shoes." I am completely ignored. "Emma go put your shoes on." She runs around head in the clouds doing whatever. "Emma we're going to be late, please put your shoes on." "I can't find them." "Emma they are on the rug like they always are, go put your shoes on." "I can't do it." Emotions escalate at this point. " EMMA PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" "I CAN'T DO IT! I HATE SHOES! I HATE THIS! I CAN'T DO THIS!" As shoes go flying across the room! Mommy freaks out, Emma cries, and still does not put her shoes on. I end up doing it.

2. She will not go to bed. Though nothing has changed. She comes downstairs at least 5 times after being put to bed asking for the silliest things. She usually ends up falling asleep 1- 1/2 hours after I put her in her bed the first time. Huge frustration for me. By the last time I am ready to rip my hair out. Yelling to get to bed, all while thinking I don't want her to have to go to bed like this....why can't she just go to bed after our nice routine every night?

I just can't get her to listen to a thing I say. She has to be told several times and then finally yelled at before she listens to me. Things end in tears and guilt on both sides.

She is mean to her brother lately. She hits him now. She also picks him up when she has been told over and over not to. She dropped him on his head a couple of days ago. Then she dragged him all the way upstairs while I was peeing. Lord only knows how, Ethan is 19.5 lbs, Emma is 35 lbs. I have no clue how she does it.

I don't want to bring the baby everywhere with me because I don't think it will help anything. I think it will make her more jealous and add to the problems.

It's awful to say but it's nicer when she is in school. Things are peaceful. I am just at my wits end with her. She is so difficult lately and I feel like a horrible mother because there are times I just don't want to be near her. Why can't she just listen! Is it so hard?

I suppose having a child with it's head in the clouds is not always a bad thing but it does make for a difficult situation. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sick of hearing myself yell, and I know she hates me. It's gotten to the point where yesterday I had to yell yet again to get her to listen and she ran upstairs. Phil asked if she went up there cause she was mad and I said yes. He went up there and she was banging her feet on the ground and then jumped into bed and was screaming, I hate, hate, hate over and over all while kicking her feet. How did we get to this point? What the hell am I doing wrong? I honestly feel so inadequate in so many areas right now I have been a little down lately.

I just hope that I can fix this somehow because I don't want her to grow up and hate me. I really want to be close to her. Hopefully things will get better soon!

Anyway I need to get to bed now. It's so late and I am exhausted.

Tired

Last night was one of those nights! You know what I mean. I just get Ethan down and am getting Emma ready for bed. Lo and behold Ethan wakes up screaming and just wants to be held and rocked to sleep. I get him back down, bring Emma up to bed and she comes down crying that she is too hot! What too hot? In NY in winter? So she changes and goes back to red. Ahhh peace and quiet. I got to check my email, and Ethan is up yet again. SCREAMING really loud this time. I think it's gas cause he lets out some huge burps, spits up and painfully falls asleep in my arms after about an hour. Put him back to bed. Come down stairs get my shower for the day....yes it was 10:00 pm! Then Phil and I went to bed. Talked for a while and finally feel asleep at midnight. 12:45 and what do I hear.....nope NOT Santa's reindeer.....a little boy who is starving. So I get up feed him, and fall asleep with him on the couch until 2 am. I wake up stoke the fire and bring him back to bed which means back to bed for me. Until....4:30 am. Our yellow lab Haley begins violently wagging her tail against our floor, waking both Phil and I up. She was fine, just having a bad dreams or something, but please....dream quieter! Then at 6:30 this morning my little guy was up again ready to start the day! And now I am tired, my eyes hurt, and I feel cranky. So I am hoping I will be able to control my feelings today and not take it out on the kids. Luckily Emma has school so she should be good today!

Off I go to start....I mean continue my day!

Christmas ramblings!

The holiday season is in full swing and boy is it busy! I love it though! I love Christmas so much! I love the decorating, the baking, the lights on the tree, the music. I guess I really am just a big child! I am excited to have 2 children and an awesome husband to celebrate with this year! I can't wait to see the kids on Christmas day tear into their gifts! Emma doesn't get that excited about gifts, she acts all embarrassed, but Ethan has already opened on on Thanksgiving from his Auntie Lanna and he tore right into it! I can't wait to see him that day!

Ethan is 8 months today! Boy did that go by fast! He crawls everywhere and eats "people food" as Emma calls it! LOL! He is so big! He is a healthy 19 lbs at this point, and I am hoping that will slow down for him a bit! He goes through clothing like diapers!

Today we have school and dance class, and on Friday the Elementary school has a Santa's workshop where they sell items at the school and allow the children to purchase inexpensive gifts like pads of paper, and a snow scraper (our gifts from last yr.) for their parents! Emma asked me to chaperone and walk with the teachers and 20 pre-schoolers over to the Elementary school. Luckily it's just across the street from the pre-school and though it seems like alot of work to bring the baby and help out with all of those 4 yr olds I think I will do it 1. because she wants me to, and 2. because that's why I am a stay at home mother. I can participate in these things and I want my children to look back and know that mom was always there for them!

For those of you who don't know, I don't exactly get along with my mother. We have a rocky relationship, and it's sad. But my mom has many issues that she hasn't dealt with from her past and it affects her relationship with us now. With that said, I have learned to take the relationship for what it is. I have actually learned alot from my mom, and as bad as she was she was always at school helping out. I am not sure what the motives were, and at times it was highly embarrassing but looking back I am glad that in her little way she was there fro us though at the time it was hard to see.

There is so much that becomes clearer to you when you are grown. We used to think my mom was so mean because she would drop us off at school and make us walk almost a mile home after school got out. My mom was a stay at hom mom and I never understood why she couldn't just come and get us. Looking back it's all clear. 1. perhaps she needed a break from kids....don't we all sometimes? 2. She had 2 little kids at home with her. My brother and sister are only 17 months apart and they are 10 and 11 years younger then me. They needed naps, but that never once dawned on me when I was younger! Not until I became a mom of 2 did it all make sense!

I am thankful for wisdom with age. It's helped me understand my mom and forgive her. And though our relationship is still not great, she does alot for my children (buys their clothes etc) and in a way it's her way of making it up to me. Yes there are times I wish we had a good relationship, but there is great freedom in accepting things and moving on. i know it will never be like that, but I love her regardless. She's my mom. And though it wasn't and still isn't easy at times, I have learned alot from her. She hated Christmas! When she was young Christmas was always awful for her. He parents were awful to her. But though she was always grouchy when we were kids I know how that feels, and I have used that to appreciate the little things and when that grouchiness creeps in with the normal hustle and bustle and I can step back and make things better!

So thanks mom, for volunteering at school, for being grouchy so I could be better and make Christmas more special for my kids. Though not always done with the right attitude on your part, you did teach me some valuable lessons for raising my children. You did impart some good things in us, and you broke half the cycle that ran in your family. Thankfully I can completely eliminate that with my family.

Thank God for forgiveness, wisdom, and healing. And truly with forgiveness comes an amazing perspective and freedom for your own life.

Elf yourself

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9556857648

Too funny!

What would you be doing?

Lately I have been thinking, and trying to improve myself and my habits. One of which is cleaning. I struggle with this so much. I can cook anyone under the table...I love it, but cleaning and maintaining a house that's another story. I have been doing some thing faithfully thanks to the help of fly lady such as making sure the sink is empty at night and cleaning the bathroom daily. I still struggle to keep up with little messes though. I was reading someone else's blog and something I read really made sense to me. She asked "What would you be doing if your husband were home watching?" Would I be sitting her on the computer? Cleaning? Playing with the kids? It was a really interesting question and made alot of sense to me. I think alot of times I give myself permission to slack off since Phil is gone alot. I can justify the mess because it's only me and the kids here. Then when I know Phil is coming home I stress out trying to tidy up and make things perfect! What a pain! I am attempting to live by that statement now...."What would you be doing if your hubby were home?" Hopefully it will motivate me to be better and do better since I know I am not up to par in this area. Thinking that he could walk in any minute can be big motivation! Hopefully I can stick to it!

Exhaustion

I don't know what my deal, but for the past 2 days I am EXHAUSTED! I mean can hardly keep my eyes open. I have fallen asleep by 9 o'clock each night and was still tired when I woke up! I hope I am not getting sick. Thanksgiving is a week away and I so don't want to be sick! Last year I had laryngitis for Thanksgiving! It was the first time in my life that I ever had it and it was awful! It hurt more than I expected, and I could not take anything cause I was pregnant with Ethan. I don't know why I just told you all that......but anyway! LOL!

Here is a picture from today. I am not the only one who is tired! Ethan was in his jumperoo eating a Zwieback toast and he passed out! haha! Too cute!

Veterans Day

First of all I want to say thank you to all the military and former military out there. Hopefully most of you are all enjoying a day off because these men and women are willing to defend this great country! As a former Navy wife I know how often these men's sacrifices go unnoticed. We take for granted the freedoms we have because of what these men and women are out there doing! Thank you all!!!

There is no school today because it is Veterans Day. It's cold and dreary out so I think today is just going to be a pj day! Although no matter what the baby always seems to get dressed in clothing other than pajamas since he is quite messy! Speaking of the baby, I can tell he is going through a growth spurt! Just a couple weeks ago he was down to 20 ounces of formula a day along with 5 jars of baby food and whatever "people food" (as Emma calls it) he could manage. This morning however, he ate 2 baby bowls of banana oatmeal, and has already drank20 ounces of formula and it's only 10 o'clock! I am afraid to see what he will be eating when he is a teenager! YIKES! He will eat us out of house and home!

Other than that we are getting excited for Thanksgiving next week! I can't believe it's already here! The past few months have just flown by. I have Christmas gifts to wrap for my nieces and nephews (we see them every Thanksgiving and do gift exchange then). I just ordered my nieces gift last week and I am really hoping it arrives here on time!

Tomorrow is MOPS! YIPEE! Last time they had it the kids were sick and I could not attend. The baby has a runny nose but it's clear so I think we are ok to go tomorrow. I really love my kids, but I SO look forward to that 2 hours alone with other adult women! I never do anything without my kids, even when Phil is here I rarely go out by myself so its a nice treat to get away without the kiddos.

So that's about all that's going on here. We have a busy week this week but that's good because it makes the time fly by!

Snow Day

Today is our first snowfall and Emma is so excited! She woke us all up this morning screeming "It's snowing, can I go outside?" She loves playing in the snow. So I dug out all the snow clothes and out she went! She has been out there for at least an hour now. She is not like me when I was a kid. I would come in every 5 seconds cause i was cold. Emma on the other hand needs to be bribed to come back into the house! Her and all the dogs love snow!

Here are some pics of her outside!

What a blessing!

My husband just called. He is working with his boss today out on the road and he called to say that his boss wants to take our whole family out to dinner! How awesome! I don't have to cook and we get a meal we don't have to pay for! Thank God! What a nice treat for us tonight!

Thankfulness

glitter-graphics.com

As we are approaching the Thanksgiving Holiday I sat back and reflected about all that has gone on in the past year. I have a fantastic husband, wonderful children, and a great home. God has been good to us. 2 years ago I was at an all time low with the miscarriage of my second child. I never thought I would get through that time. It was by far the most difficult thing I have dealt with in my whole entire life. There were many times I didn't know if I could go through one more day. But God is good. He was with me, and comforted me and gave me a promise of a son. I looked back on my journal and I had written about a dream I had about my son (before I was even pregnant). I wrote that this little blonde haired blue eyed little boy, who looked different from Emma was in a jumperoo jumping away in the living room. A very cute, sweet, little boy. I forgot about this until recently when someone very close to me had a tragedy in their lives. It tends to make you reflective of where you were. I read this and I couldn't believe that I had that dream. Here I am 2 years later, and I have my son, and we just happen to have a jumperoo that he loves that was purchased just a few months ago. God fulfilled his promise to me. I am not saying I am psychic or anything, but it seems that God tends to speak to me in my dreams. There have been many times when I have dreamt something and months or years later it comes true. It just amazes me how good God is. How he provides for us, and heals the deepest hurts. I am so thankful for all of my children and glad that I have received healing for my baby in heaven. I am just so happy with life and grateful for every single moment I have. I am glad that bad circumstances can always be turned to good, for God's glory. Though at the time it's hard to see how any good can come from things, but in my life I have seen the worst things come around full circle. We weren't promised a life without pain or hurt, but we were promised that God is with us and in control. He knows what is best for us. He loves us unconditionally and knows what he is doing. And now that I can see the full picture I know all my pain was worth it, and I wouldn't trade any of that because it's made me who I am. And I hope through all of it that God be glorified, because I truly am nothing without Him. I look forward to all the other surprises he has in store for us. And I trust that He knows best and is faithful every time.

Halloween

I loaded these in the wrong order! The first picture is when we were done trick or treating. Emma made out pretty well! She caught on and started asking for something for her little brother as well, so she got DOUBLE what she should have! She'll want to bring a baby with her every year!

Ariel and Sebastian!

Sebastian!

My Little Lobster

Ariel had trouble with that gorgeous hair all night! She's a bit disheveled, it must be hard becoming a real live human!

Ariel and Sebastian before leaving the house.

Long week

It's been a long couple of days. Monday Emma went to school and started feeling sick later that evening. Croup is going around in pre-k and she now has it. Because of it we missed MOPS yesterday (which I was really looking forward to) and she missed school and dance class today. I feel bad for her she woke up 2 nights ago and said " I just need a WHOLE box of tissues!" She has been waking up once a night not feeling well at all and coming to sleep with me, and Ethan has been waking up once a night to eat (of course this happens at separate times of the night). He is also very fussy because of those darn teeth. Once thing I have learned is doctors have no clue when teeth will come in. They were thinking anytime when he was 4 months old...he will be 7 months in a week and still NOTHING! At least now he is old enough for Motrin which seems to be working better than Tylenol.

I am just hoping that they will both be in a good mood this weekend because my grandparents are coming from Vermont to visit and I really would like it to be a pleasant one as we don't see them often. I am so thankful that they are still in my life and in my kids life. Everyone in my family had children young so my grandmother is only 69 with 2 great grand kids. It's so neat that they are able to know her. If Emma marries and has children young it's very feasible my grandma could see her great great grandkids!

Yipee!

Ethan is crawling! I love it, but at the same time am dreading it! Get out the child locks baby boy in on the loose! The past week he has been up on his knees rocking and tonight for the first time he has actually propelled his body forwards. He was after a ball and chased it all over the place. The kid will be a pro by the end of the week! He's so cute! And though he is big for his age, he still seems so small to be crawling around everywhere. After all he is only 6 months old!

I was excited to see how his development would be as they say boys are slower than girls. But usually the second child develops faster than the first. Emma crawled at 9 months, Ethan just turned 6 months so I guess the latter is true---for us at least!

So cool!

Sad day

Well yesterday was a sad day for me. My baby slept in his own room at night for the first time :( I know in the big picture it's not a huge deal, but it's still kind of sad. He's been there right by my side sleeping in the same room if not the same bed for six months now. I knew the time was approaching where I would have to make the decision to move him and I have put it off for a while now. From the time he was born he was up frequently and needed me so much that I kept all my supplies in my room and would mix bottles right in bed. Now his schedule has changed and he only gets up once a night and it's much easier to have a premade bottle ready for him in the fridge downstairs. So I actually get up and out of bed now and go downstairs to feed him and change him.

I know this is much harder on me, then on him. He could care less where he sleeps. I guess it's just the thought of him becoming more independent and growing up. Which I want, he would have major problems if I did not let go and it would not be healthy for either of us. It's just hard to see your baby get so big so quickly! He will be 6 months tomorrow! CRAZY!

But that's our job as parents. We do the best we can for them until they grow their wings, and at different stages of their lives we have to let go and let them fly. And I know this small step; as insignificant as it seems; is just the beginning of many new adventures for him. It's still not easy though!!

Contest

I copied this from Tiffany's site(A Day In the Life of Tiffany)! I hope you don't mind!

There is a contest over at Crunchy Domestic Goddess. They are giving away a cute Halloween Shirt from Cute as a Bug. Go check it out and Enter your little Boo-tiful baby :)

A blond walks into a Review is giving away a $100 gift certificate for Scimbaco.

You know what really bugs me....

When adults let their snot nosed little kids come up and touch all over MY BABY! Why do they seem to think it's ok to let their sick child touch mine. They don't even say anything, they just giggle at them and say "yes that's a baby." I want to say yes that IS a baby and he is not sick and you are so get away!!! UGH!!! I don't want strange people grown, or not touching my child! What is wrong with people! You can't really be mad at the little kid (he was about 2) because he doesn't know any better. But parents if you are listening DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD TOUCH ANOTHER LITTLE BABY WITHOUT PERMISSION! We don't like it!!!!!

Farm Days

This past weekend we went to a pumpkin/apple farm. Our goal was to go pick apples but that never happened. It was a nice little place, and free to get in which is always nice, but then there was the apple picking. They had this "train" (really a tractor in disguise) that you could ride that took you to the apple orchard for picking. You could not get there any other way so we looked into riding it. It costs $5 per adult and $3 per child, under 2 free! Well at first glance it didn't seem so bad until we started thingking about it. Not only did you have to pay for the ride to the orchard but you also had to pay for the apples. So it would end up being $13 for the ride, and then it was $4 for the smallest (and boy do I mean small) bag of apples! $17 for about 6 apples are you kidding me! NO WAY! So needless to say we did not pick apples that day, but we did enjoy all the other free activities there. So Emma played at the playground, ran through the hay maze, and fed the animals at the petting zoo. We discovered that Ethan does not like goats! He was so cute sitting in his stroller watching them. He had this "I don't like this" look on his face. Then they got closer to him (behind a fence by the way...they couldn't really get him) and he started crying! Poor baby! It was kind of funny though. His little brain doesn't understand that they couldn't get him. Something us adults, just take for granted. We see the fence and know they can't get out, Ethan on the other hand FREAKED!

Then we ended the day by enjoying some yummy ice cream! Ethan again freaked out cause he wanted some! He really is like an 8 year old trapped in his little baby body! He really knew we were eating and that he'd like to try some. He kept reaching for mine and screaching to get some. He even tried his sign for milk, and sticking his tongue out --his way to say "I'm hungry". I just thought that was so smart of him. So I had to tell him no all too many times as he grabbed my bowl of ice cream and tried to eat it!

I will try to load pics, but I am having a hard time lately doing that. It times out before they load! So frustrating.

Accomplished

I have gotten so much done today and it's only 9:00 am! Last night my sink was emptied and the dishwasher was loaded but I didn't have enough to actually run it so I left it for this morning. The baby went to bed at 7:00 pm and Emma followed shortly after. I was exhausted and was asleep myself, at 8:00 pm. Much to my surpise the baby slept all night and did not get up until 5:45 am. Since I had such a good night's sleep this wasn't a big deal. I got up, fed him, changed him, and then exercised for a half hour. By the time I was done Phil was up and in the shower so I made Eggs for breakfast, ate, got Emma up fed her, hopped in the shower, got everyone dressed, and ready to go to school. Dropped off Emma, went to get gas, and now I am home! Phew! Now I can load up the dishes from this morning, and run the dishwasher and have some quiet time before getting Emma. Oh yah and the baby is sleeping! It's nice to have mornings that run smoothly. It feels like things are in control.....no stress at all. Somewhat thanks to Flylady!

Self examination

I have realized lately that there are many disappointments in life. So many times we have expectations of people, things, life, and we are let down. We often base our happiness on others. We look for acceptance, praise, love, security, loyalty, and appreciation from those around us. If we don't receive these things, it seems our life spins out of control and we get down in the dumps, and down on our self. We have pity parties, and say "oh Lord why me?" As I was having one of these moments, that small voice spoke to me and said "you are trusting too much on man who, like you, is imperfect." How true is that? No one is perfect, not even me. I screw up royally sometimes, actually more often than I'd like to admit. I'm not perfect and I never will be. So why expect other people to be that for me? I hold others with such high standards when I myself can't even live up to these. I resent people for not having some of the qualities I have...."well I am this way and that's easy so why can't they be that way as well?" But you know what, they won't be that way. Because I am me, and they are themselves and we are different. That's what makes us unique. That's what makes things work. We all have strengths and abilities in areas that others do not and that's our special gift.

One of my weaknesses is worry. I am a doomsdayer. The smallest things overwhelm me and for some reason I can only see negative from a situation. Who wants to be around that? I am insecure and negativity stems from that as well. The feeling as if I will never measure up and always seeking the approval of others to keep me "happy." How self centered? How vain? That voice is right! Why am I trusting so much in man? It only bring heartbreak. I need to take the log out of my eye and stop looking at the specs in others eyes. I need only to trust in the one thing that is perfect and will never let me down....GOD! Instead of trusting in the imperfect and concentrating on the flaws, I need to change my priorities and change myself.

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:5-8

GRRRRR

Well everyone Phil shot a 200 lb (at least) black bear last night! That's my hunter! He seems to get something every time he goes hunting. For those of you who don't know he hunts whitetail deer every year at Thanksgiving, and every year he gets something. Nothing with a huge rack yet, but it's still meat for the freezer. This bear, though I am happy he was able to shoot one, I am not thrilled about having it mounted and hung up somewhere in our house! UGH! I hate dead animals in the house!

He went hunting with my brother-in-law and now he obviously really wants to get one so since they drove together they will not be coming home today! :( He (my BIL) is going hunting again tonight (for some reason you hunt bear after 2 o'clock in the afternoon) and then I think they are driving back to Massachusetts tomorrow and then Phil will come home tomorrow or Saturday.

I know one thing...I really don't want to eat bear meat. I don't mind living in the country, but I have to draw the line somewhere! LOL!

Simple Things

I had one of those moments today, where you feel like you are out of your body looking down on everything....you know those little moments that you wish you could live in and freeze forever.

It was nothing monumental just a sweet little moment between where my kids were interacting together. Emma was sitting on the floor playing with her Little People and Ethan was squealing to get down and play. I gave in to his requests and laid him on the floor next to Emma and they played together. Yah, yah I know he can't really "play" but they were just so sweet sitting/laying there together. Emma was showing Ethan all the Little People and explaining what went where in the Farm and what animal was what, and Ethan just oohed and ahhed at the whole thing.

I am loving the age that Ethan is at and those little giggles and chubby little cheeks....I am going to miss that stage. And though I know it seems silly to mourn "the past" when it hasn't past yet, I know how quickly it goes by. It was just yesterday that Emma was that little and I miss that. I wanted so much for her to grow up and get to the next phase that I missed so much of her present. I am thankful that I learned my lesson and I can now sit back and take pleasure in them just playing, or just laughing, or just being them.

I love the little moments! I love them! And most of all I love seeing Phil having one of those moments! It's so wonderful just to sit back and stand in awe of the beautiful little people that were given to us.

This is SO great.....

I copied this from one of my friends site, but I cried when I read it....it is so true......

I'm Invisible.

Author unknown

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,

the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and

ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the

phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or

sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?

Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of

hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is

it?"

I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"

I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the

eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -

but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going.... she's going ... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a

friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous

trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard

not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.

My unwashed hair was pulled up in a clip and I was afraid I could

actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice

turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you

this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly

sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with

admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would

discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after

which I could pattern my work:

1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record

of their names.

(2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never

see finished.

(3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

(4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the

eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit

the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving

a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the

man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam

that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the

workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you

make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness

you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is

too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great

cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a

disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my

own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As

one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see

finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The

writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could

ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing

to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend

he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in

the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a

turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table."

That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just

want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to

say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if

we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world

will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that

has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

It's raining, it's POURING!

So we are still sick here. Emma is doing better thank God, but Ethan is now not feeling well. It's to be expected though. It always goes through the house pretty quickly. Unfortunately I have it as well, and can't seem to shake it. It has settled in my chest now and I can't shake this 101 degree temperature. I really hope that I feeling better tomorrow. It's very aggravating because I have no help at the moment since my hubby is enjoying his 30th birthday present! He been in Maine since Saturday bear hunting and will not be back until sometime on Thursday. I am so happy for him because he is able to go 4-wheeling and hunting which he enjoys so much and it's a much needed break for him. I am glad he got away to relax from work and the real world. Unfortunately, I am still here living in it and things always seem to go wrong when I am alone. Why is that? It always seems that when you are the most vulnerable things seem to keep going wrong. As if being alone with 2 kids for a week doesn't have enough challenges add in the fact that we were/are still sick and it makes for a rotten week. Emma can't wait for Phil to get back because I have been boring, lazy mommy laying on the couch all day. I feel bad but I just have not energy at all. I think if I just had the cough it would be one thing but the fever really knocks you out.

I am a little down lately. There are so many things I am worried about and I am not sure what the outcome will be. It's sometimes really hard to have faith for the simple things. I have to trust that this will all come to a head soon, and things will be fine. I need to drill these verses in my head:

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Matthew 6:25 "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Matthew 6:27 "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

Luke 10:41 But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things;

Luke 12:22 And He said to His disciples, "For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on.

Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Peter 5:7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.


Hopefully I can get to a place where I really have faith in all this. It just seems like when it rains, it pours? What happened to the little trials that were simple to overcome...why does it feel like everything is dumped on me all at once? Well the word says that "He does not give us anymore than we can handle." so obviously I will handle it, I am just hoping for relief sooner than later!

Sorry for the depressing tone....I don't mean to be a bummer, it's just what's going on at this point in time!

Sick Day

I hate this time of year! Everyone of us is sick! It started with Emma and it was so weird cause I could see it coming on right before my eyes. It was Wednesday and she was feeling fine. She went to school came home, went to dance class and we sat down to have dinner. When dinner began she was normal old Emma, but by the time we cleared our plates she was snuffy(as she says) and coughing and had a belly ache. Thursday was her worst day, and she is now getting over it Thank God! But now I have it. I got it last night so I am really hoping that today is my worst day. And worst of all Ethan has just gotten it tonight. Thankfully so far, he is not acting sick but we will see what tomorrow brings. I just hope that I am feeling better so that I can tend to him more easily.

I HATE BEING SICK, AND EVEN WORSE...I HATE SEEING MY KIDS SICK! BLAH!

School

I am having trouble uploading these pics!!!

First Day of school!

2 posts today...I wanted Emma to have her own! LOL!

Today was Emma's first day of school! She is so excited to go back this year. She was taken aback a little bit because only a handful of kids are the same from last year. Her best friend Andrea made the cutoff date and went to kindergarten this year so she was really bummed about that. She said she really wants to go to the big school. But she was happy to see Emily and Gage, and lots of new faces! School officially starts Friday so we will see how it goes when I have to leave her, but instinct tells me that she will do just fine! She did well today and I just brought her in got her settled and then backed off so that she could do her thing.....and she did.

I will post some pics of the day a little later!!!

5 months

My big guy is 5 months old today! Boy has the time flown by and quite honestly I am glad the first few months are over. The first 3 months were rough and he definitely had colic. On one hand I am sad that he had to suffer so long with it, but on the other I am so glad that it was colic and not a "bad' baby. Thankfully we are over the rough part and he is a totally different baby now. He's so happy and it's so great to see.

So for milestones. He rolls around the whole living now front to back and back to front. He is still working on those darn teeth! They are taking forever to come in but I think I remember that with Emma. He can also pull his legs underneath him but he is not coordinated enough to get up on all fours. I am thinking he will crawl earlier then Emma did, but hey I could be wrong. I also thought his teeth would be in soon! haha!

We go back in one month for another check up so it will be exciting to see if he is still in the 85% for everything.

Teenagers.....

My little sister hates me! I am really not that upset about it because she is doing things she should not be doing and I ratted her out. She did not come to me in confidence and tell me anything I just found out in a round about way and felt that I needed to say something to my parents as she could mess up big time. But of course she is 17 and thinks she knows everything so you can't reason with her at all.

I think the thing that most disturbs me is how accessible things are to kids these days. Granted I went to a private school and we had our share of problems but nothing like what she has available to her. She is 17 and I know for a fact she drinks alcohol. My question is Where do they get the alcohol? Where are the parents when these kids are drinking at vacation beach houses? It scares me for what I will have to deal with when my children are older.

I know kids are a product of their environment most times, but there have been cases where kids are raised exactly the same and one is out of control and the other isn't. It must be insecurity issues that make them give into the peer pressure. The need to fit in and be liked. What else is she doing that we don't know about?

Home schooling is looking more and more appealing to me these days...especially when I see things like this!

She thinks that I am mean and uncool but that's ok because I only do it to protect her. She is very naive and thinks that nothing bad could happen. I just don't want to come to the point where we look and have to say "I told you so."

I just know I can't sit back and watch her self destruct even if nothing changes I am at peace because I've done my part!

Answered prayer...a little preachy but hey it's my life!

I know some of you out there probably don't believe in God or have never seen or heard from Him directly, but I totally believe and trust in Him. I have seen Him work in so many areas of my life how could I not believe. I have to admit that I had been slacking off in the area of reading my Bible, and really had only been praying when I "needed" something...which quite honestly annoyed me. I mean, how would I like it if my children never talked to me except for when they wanted things. So, a few weeks ago I decided to get things back together and try my best to rekindle the relationship. Plus, again quite honestly a lot has been going on in my life that I don't quite understand and I needed guidance and help with. The issues:

1. Which is kind of personal (so bare with me as I try to explain without explaining)got answered tonight. I have been going back and forth about what was the "right" thing and what I should do. I felt strongly one way and another part of me said no...but I still felt that pull towards yes. I was so confused about what was right, and then I finally figured out that it's not my decision. That I needed to pray about it and wait for the answer rather then trying to reason it out in my brain. So on and off I have been praying about it for a little while. While I was in the shower today (really my only time to be alone...well sometimes) I began to ask about it again, and for wisdom on what to do. Well this evening I got my confirmation. The pull I felt towards the yes answer was the right answer.

2.I totally believe that kids are a gift from God, but oh what a financial burden they can cause! We have thousands of dollars of medical bills that need to be paid and we are getting there slowly but surely. But my whole take on this is that kids are a gift from God, God says he provides all our needs. Ethan was meant to be here and that has been reaffirmed often. I prayed for this baby before he was even conceived and I know that HE was the ONE that was meant to be here in our family. So I am trusting in faith that God is going to provide all the money to pay for those hospital bills. Why wouldn't He? He gave us this gift, surely He will provide the means to take care of Him. Still waiting for this to come to fruition, but I have faith.

3.My relationship with my mother. Some of you know and some don't that I don't get along with my mom at all. She was severely abused as a child by her parents in every way you can imagine. Unfortunately today she is still the "victim" of what happened to her and has so many issues to many to list. This makes our relationship very strained, and crazy to say the least. But I must say my mother has never repeated the cycle of physical abuse on us, and she does so much for my children (financially).

4.Friends! I can't seem to find any friends around here. It's seems as if there are no stay at home mothers (they are a dying breed). I tried to join my local MOPS group but was turned down because there is not enough babysitting for my kids. UGH! It seems as if it's another closed door. (I must say though, my myspace friends are fabulous and there for me all the time. I just wish I had a friend here to hang out with).

5.The coming around of so many friends and family. It seems like when I was younger I was surrounded by people who were Christians including my family. Now I am not saying that it's evil to hang out with people who aren't because I would in a heartbeat. I just feel like I am the only one who still has any faith of anything related to God. So many people I know have turned away. I hope and pray that they will find their way back. I want my friends and family there with me in heaven! 1 PETER 3 v 1- 2 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. NIV

So all this was prayed about in the shower today. #1 got answered and I feel like in a way the rest did as well. I opened up my myspace profile page and the scripture verse for today just so happened to be:

"Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14"

I know that God is faithful. He always is and I trust that He will provide solutions and answers to all that I have been struggling with. When I was going through the worst things I have ever gone through (loosing my baby) He was there, everyday for me. He promised me a son(I had a dream that I would have a son a long time before I even had Emma. And this was big for me, because I honestly did not want a boy. But once I heard he was a boy I was thrilled and I am so glad I have him) some time ago and I was so heartbroken when I lost that baby. But guess what last Easter I lost my baby and this Easter Sunday he gave me my promised son.

I may not have answers to all my questions but the one thing I do know is that God is faithful and He always will be. He will answer me, and it may not be the answer I want but He knows His will for my life. I just need to let go and trust in that.

Wow has it really been a month?

Wow I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted!

We have been busy this month with back to school preparations, vacation, and family visits. I actually have to go to the store today to buy Emma sneakers for school, just waiting for Mr. Ethan to wake up.

So my son is a genius! I know every mom thinks their kid is the smartest in the world, but mine really is....haha...just kidding. He does catch on quick though. When Emma was little I taught her some sign language to reduce crying etc and for the heck of it. Quite honestly I wanted to see if it worked. And much to my surprise it did. The first sign I taught her was milk. And every time she got her bottle I would sign milk for her. One day we were in the store and she started waving at me (or so I thought) but she was really signing to me that she wanted her milk! Awesome after several months she finally got it, and I felt very accomplished knowing I taught this little person to communicate with me before she could speak a word. So of course this time around I was going to do the same for Ethan. This past week I began signing "milk" to him everytime he got his bottle. Now he already tells me he wants to eat by licking his lips. He came up with this on his own, and basically I caught on to his sign. So if I ask him "Ethan do you want to eat?" he tells me "yes" by licking his lips 3 times! So I knew that he would probably catch on to the new signs quickly but I didn't know how quickly. Like I said I started this last week, and last night when I went to give him his bottle I signed milk and much to my surprise he began to sign it as well. I thought "well this is just a fluke, he can't be doing this already!" So I called Phil to see, and we encouraged him and let him eat. This morning he wakes up and Phil gets him out of the co-sleeper and he smiles at him and does the sign for milk again. Phil wakes me up and says "he's doing that thing with his hands again for milk". So I fed him. I can't believe he caught on already. I am SHOCKED to say the least. We'll see if this keeps up...we will keep reinforcing it of course. I just think that it's so smart of him to do that at 4 months old! I am hoping this keeps up. I know he has so many thoughts in there that can't come out cause he doesn't know how to express them. You can actually see the wheels turn in his head.

The first 3 months with him were rough, really rough. But I think it always balances out somehow. Who would of thought this cranky, irritable baby was so smart? Not that I think Emma is dumb, I think you know what I am saying.Both my kids never cease to amaze me! I love them so much, and thank God for such great little blessings!

Now off to buy shoes!

Ethan's teeth

So here are a few pics of Ethan's gums. No teeth have broken through yet, but to me it seems as if they are right there. It's hard to see in the pics, it's really hard to get a 4 month old to show his gums! LOL! But if you look close you can see the white of the teeth through the gums, and the two little bumps on top.

BTW-Tiffani-I have tried the teething tabs, they worked like a charm on Emma. Ethan on the other hand....it puts him to sleep after a few minutes but after about 20 mins he wakes up screaming again. They don't seem to be very effective on him for whatever reason. More proof of different things for different kids! Thanks for the suggestion though!!!!

Carrots anyone?

Ethan has been eating cereal now for about a week and handles it just fine. I think he is bored with the cereal........Emma was never a fan of Rice cereal either, honestly I don't think I would like it very much myself. So though he is not technically 4 months old but he was born 16 weeks ago so he is 4 months old to me! So I figured I would give carrots a try this week since I know that the orange veggies are easier to digest. Well we did and he seemed to like it! Here is a pic of his confused face....he's not quite sure what to think about it but at the same time he ate a couple of spoons full!

Mom, Does Jesus Live on Mars?

First I want to say that I am very open with my 4 year old. If she asks a question about something I answer her honestly and at a level she can understand giving only the appropriate information needed. I think that being with way with my kids will make things more open and honest between all of us when they become teenagers. Emma knows the correct names to body parts, she has asked where babies come from--obviously because we just had one--and so much more that it's even too much to list here.

Anyway, in her short life she has already had to deal with death and there have been several losses starting with the miscarriage I had last year. This year my in-laws dog got hit by a car and died, and our next door neighbor Mr. Dave...whom we talked to on a regular basis passed away just a month ago from cancer he was only 65. So with my miscarriage it was an easy thing to explain oddly enough. I told her that Jesus had given us this baby but then realized the baby was very very sick so he decided to take the baby out of mommy's belly up to heaven where there is no sickness anymore. That was easy for her to comprehend and she was happy with that answer. She never physically saw the baby, and accepted the fact that it wasn't here anymore. But then Laddie got hit by a car. Now Emma is a huge animal lover. As of right now we have 2 dogs and a cat, and she is always collecting frogs, and ladybugs, and snakes (WHICH I HATE) anything she can get her little hands on. So when we went for a visit at the inlaws and Laddie was not there, she immediately noticed and asked what happened to him. My MIL said that Laddie died and went to heaven. Ok fine. She thought that was a good answer to her question and understood what that meant. Then my MIL asked if we saw Laddie in the yard (he was buried way out back with a little tombstone etc.) I said no, and she said "come on I will show you. Emma then responds "How are we gonna get there?" "Get where, Emma?" "Heaven, Laddie is in heaven how are we gonna get there?" So rather then try to explain it we just left it at that because she got distracted with toys anyway.
So then our neighbor dies a few weeks ago. Phil went to the funeral but I did not because Ethan was cranky and though I am honest about everything with her , I did not know how I felt about her seeing his body laying there in the casket. So we explained to her that Mr. Dave died and that daddy was going to the funeral to see him. Again she asks "Are you going to heaven daddy?" and not putting two and two together yet..thinking she was just afraid that Phil was gonna die he said no. So she asks "then where are you going?' At this point he had to leave so to the best of my ability I explained to her the situation.
So are you ready for my response? I asked her about her frogs, and how when she catches them and leaves them in the house too long how they die. She said yes, they die. Then I said to her that the body of the frog was still here, but the frog was dead. Yes, she understood this as well. So I explained that this is what happens to people. We have a body, and inside of us is a ghost (she did not understand the word spirit). And when we die our body stays here and we bury it in the ground, but our ghost that is essentially us, goes on to heaven where we get a new body. So daddy was going to the funeral just to see Mr. Dave's body, but the ghost that was inside was in heaven and the body is dead. Totally understood all of it and dropped it right there.

Well last night I was putting her to bed, and she said "Mommy does Jesus live on Mars?" And I said no Jesus is in heaven but he made Mars. And she says "oh yah right." She goes on to say that someday she will go to heaven and I told her yes, but not until you are really old. And she said "yes and I will see the baby there (I have not talked about this baby in front of her in over a year), and I will see Laddie, and Mr. Dave. And I said " you sure will." Then she said "I will go to heaven without a body, I wonder what kind of body I will get there?" And I said "maybe a body that looks like an angel" And she said "no I think it will have skin, but I wonder what color I will be...maybe brown, or black." Haha! I said "yes maybe, we'll just have to wait and see when we get there."

It just amazes me how much of a thinker this little girl is. She sits and asks questions and will stop once she is satisfied, but she never settles for the first thing you say. She always prods deeper to try to understand more, and then she comes up with her own theories as well. I honestly am not saying this because she is my own child, but I have never run across a 4 year old who asks such complex questions. Maybe that's because I was never that child's mom and wasn't around to hear these things, or perhaps parents just aren't as open with their children. I get criticized often for how much I actually tell her. Most people wouldn't do into depth about death, but she wanted to know so I did my best to explain it to her in a way she could understand. And she never ceases to amaze me with the things she comes up with! I love her to death, she is certainly one of a kind!

Weary

I am so tired and worn out. I feel like the life is sucked out of me. I am overtired, and overworked(if that makes sense) and just plain old drained! The baby is back into a cranky time. I think he is teething in a major way. Nothing seems to help and he constantly has his hands in his mouth. I swear all 4 teeth are coming in at the same time. I feel so bad for him because he is finally over his digestion issues...he eats and burps normally and was doing great for about 2 weeks, and then the drool began and the incessant hand sucking and fussiness. He lives on Tylenol though it doesn't help him to sleep. It works for about 30 minutes and then he is up and crying again. I know this will pass, and I try to enjoy every stage he goes through because he may be my last baby, but after a while it becomes so draining. And I've had some help, but I've found that people aren't as willing to help out when you have a cranky baby. It weighs on ones nerves very quickly and the responsibility is again handed off to me, because I am the only one who can't just ignore it. I have to deal with it no matter what. THANK GOD FOR MOTHERS HUH? Whoever said being a SAHM mother was easy never did it! haha! Now could I please have some bon bons? LOL!

I feel like I want to sit around and hold a pity party for myself. There are so many issues going on right now, that I really want to sit back and say "oh woe is me". But the truth is...even when I do, do that....I still don't get recognition for it, and that makes me even more mad. Nobody wants to join the party except for me! LOL! But I know that's not how it goes anyway. I will be rewarded someday, it's just hard not to crave that reward here. It seems somewhat unfair to be honest, but that's what faith is all about.
Perhaps my expectations for others are too high. Maybe I am selfish looking for recognition when really I should be doing and giving regardless of all that. It's just nice to be treated as you treat others, and that's never what happens to me.....or at least it seems that way.
I know this is a phase. I am down in one of those Valley's and longing to climb the mountain again, and I know I will get there, its just hard not knowing how long it will last, why I have to be here etc. I know this road isn't supposed to be easy and I am tested constantly in my faith. But the great part is, that tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to do it all right, to make the right choices, to be renewed!


Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people. Galatians 6:9-10 NIV

This past week has flown by for us. Last Sunday my younger brother Adam came to stay with us for the week. He just flew out this evening and my younger sister is coming in tonight and will be here for this coming week! Ashley leaves on Sunday and my sister Jenn comes on Monday and will be here until Saturday! This month is just going to fly by. Unforutunately my brother had a real crappy weather week here. It rained for most of his stay, but finally let up on Sunday so that him and Phil could go to Six Flags right down the road from us. Coke was doing $10 passes to the theme park here in NY after 5 pm at night! Not bad! I however opted out of the activity because of the baby. I didn't feel like dragging him around an amusement park all night!

We had fund together though. It's nice to spend the one on one time with each of my siblings as I am the oldest of us all, and am the only one that lives out of state. I moved out of my parents house when I was 19 which made my brother 8 and my sister 9 and my other sister 16. The little two hardly even remember me living with them.

I am looking forward to this week with Ashley even though it is supposed to rain until Thursday. That's ok though, I guess we will just have to go to the mall! LOL!

So Emma is up to some typical sneaky 4 year old behavior and I think it's hilarious because I always find out what she is doing, but she never quite knows how I know. For instance, she goes into the cabinets often to "sneak" food even after she is told no. She then proceeds to take it upstairs and eat it under her bed. lol! However, she does not throw away or hide the wrappers of whatever she is eating and leaves them spread all over the floor in plain view. So when I find them I know she has obviously eaten something! She has not figured this out yet though.

Today I was watching two little girls because their babysitter fell through. They were all playing up in Emma's room and were in my room playing as well. I had asked them several times not to play in my room, as it's my room and there is no need for it. But they still did even after the warning and how do I know? Did I catch them? NO! my full length mirror was moved from my room to Emma's room.........that's how I knew. So I asked Emma (after the girls left) why she went in my room after I told her no. She said "did you see me?" haha! I said "no, I just know you were in there." To which she replied "yes mommy, I am sorry.....but....did you tell my dad." haha! WOW! What goes through little kid brains? And lets just hope she never fully clears her evidence so that I can always know what she is up to, even when I am not right with her. And she can go on thinking I have super powers! lol! Don't mess with mom.....SHE KNOWS AND SEES EVERYTHING!

Until next time!

And for some reason this won't let me add a title...so this won't have one...haha!

Scary

Something really scary happened a couple of weeks ago and the severity of what could have been never really dawned on me until now. We went to an RC Airplane field to watch some RC planes fly. I had to feed Ethan and it was hotter than heck outside so I sat in the truck with the AC on and fed him while Phil took Emma to watch the planes with his dad. Well there was a little boy there around Emma's age so of course they began to play together. They were playing in the field that was facing me but was behind Phil so really Phil could not see her playing with this boy. Behind the field was woods...so to get the picture right in your head, there is Phil with his back towards the truck, me facing the field and woods directly behind the field. Well I see Emma stop playing and she begins talking to this older gentleman about something (still with the little boy mind you) I see him motion his hand "this way" and the three of them begin to walk to the woods with the man in the lead. By now the man is already in the woods and I jump out of the truck yelling at Emma to come over here as she gets to the tree line. She yells back to me "I just have to go potty." I begin freaking out, and yelling at her, yelling at Phil trying to get his attention and trying to get Emma to OBEY for once in her life. By the way I am barefoot and feeding Ethan at this point so I turn back around and start off towards the woods, but thankfully she listened and walked back to me. She said "mommy I just had to go potty." I told Phil to take her into the woods and help her to go and he did. Later in the truck I spoke to her about never going ANYWHERE with people she did not know. She said she told that man she had to go potty and he told her she could go into the woods like him and go.

It's so scary how trusting and innocent children are. What would have happened if I hadn't seen that? Thank God I did, but to me it seems so suspicious that a grown strange man would offer to bring a little girl in the woods to go potty. How do you explain to a 4 year old why that's so wrong without explaining everything? I told her to NEVER, EVER go anywhere with anyone she did not know especially to go potty. And that people who seems nice sometimes aren't and they want to hurt little kids (I hated even telling her that...how can she understand that?). Then I had to tell her that sometimes people who seem nice sometimes aren't and that they may offer her candy or presents so that she will go with them and that this is not good, and she should never go with them. I just hope it sank in. I've told her not to go with strangers before but she is 4......she forgets not to touch things in the store how is she supposed to remember something as big as that (especially if offered a gift)?

At the time it was a big deal, and we went over everything but I wasn't that emotional about it. For some reason I thought of it again tonight and am so thankful that she stopped and listened even if it took alot of yelling and me acting like a crazy person. Perhaps he was just an old guy who said "oh you can just go in the woods" and Emma misunderstood, but to me it sounds very wrong and very perverted. I hate thinking the worst in people but when it comes to my babies you can never be to protective!

Best birthday gift ever........

I forgot to mention in my last post that on Sunday night Ethan ate at 8:00 pm and then slept until 5:00 am the next morning. He ate at 5 and then went back to sleep until 8:00 am. I was so happy to be able to sleep in on my birthday. HAHA! That's funny huh? 5 am sleeping in! It's all relative I guess. The point is he actually slept his long spurt through the night. It was so awesome! He must have known it was his Momma's birthday on Monday and decided to let me sleep! Anyway, I just wanted to mention how awesome that was and how he did it out of the blue!

Good weekend!

Auntie Kati and Uncle Chad with the girls! Welcome home Chad!

Playing Barbies with Emma and Sabrina!

This is Emma and Phil's parents new dog Shellie. Their dog Laddie just got hit by a car and died on Tuesday so little Shellie is now their new addition!

We had a really fun weekend! Phil's sister Lanna and her husband Dan and their two kids Gabe and Sabrina came up for a welcome home party for our brother-in-law Chad who just came back from Afghanistan. These 3 cousins are so close in age....Gabe was born in October of 2001, Emma was born in January 2003, and Sabrina is March 2004....then we had some time before little Ethan came along!!! They all get along great now (besides the occasional fight but that's to be expected) and had so much fun riding 4 wheelers, and playing Barbies etc. Here are some pics of our weekend! And as many of you know I am now 27! Doesn't really feel any different...other than "oh my gosh I am 27!" Where did the time go! I swear as soon as you have kids the time just flies by! I will be the big 30 before I know it!