Frustrations

Things with my soon to be 5 year old daughter have been really rough lately. I don't know if it's a stage, if it's me, or something else, but I am almost at the end of my rope and know that things need to change. I really feel bad complaining about my daughter because she does have so many good qualities (bring on the mommy guilt) but at times, well most of the time lately, we seem to always be at odds. I haven't had a smooth good day with her in quite some time now. The issues:

1. She needs to be told several times to do even the simplest of tasks. An example of this is "Emma can you please put on your shoes." I am completely ignored. "Emma go put your shoes on." She runs around head in the clouds doing whatever. "Emma we're going to be late, please put your shoes on." "I can't find them." "Emma they are on the rug like they always are, go put your shoes on." "I can't do it." Emotions escalate at this point. " EMMA PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" "I CAN'T DO IT! I HATE SHOES! I HATE THIS! I CAN'T DO THIS!" As shoes go flying across the room! Mommy freaks out, Emma cries, and still does not put her shoes on. I end up doing it.

2. She will not go to bed. Though nothing has changed. She comes downstairs at least 5 times after being put to bed asking for the silliest things. She usually ends up falling asleep 1- 1/2 hours after I put her in her bed the first time. Huge frustration for me. By the last time I am ready to rip my hair out. Yelling to get to bed, all while thinking I don't want her to have to go to bed like this....why can't she just go to bed after our nice routine every night?

I just can't get her to listen to a thing I say. She has to be told several times and then finally yelled at before she listens to me. Things end in tears and guilt on both sides.

She is mean to her brother lately. She hits him now. She also picks him up when she has been told over and over not to. She dropped him on his head a couple of days ago. Then she dragged him all the way upstairs while I was peeing. Lord only knows how, Ethan is 19.5 lbs, Emma is 35 lbs. I have no clue how she does it.

I don't want to bring the baby everywhere with me because I don't think it will help anything. I think it will make her more jealous and add to the problems.

It's awful to say but it's nicer when she is in school. Things are peaceful. I am just at my wits end with her. She is so difficult lately and I feel like a horrible mother because there are times I just don't want to be near her. Why can't she just listen! Is it so hard?

I suppose having a child with it's head in the clouds is not always a bad thing but it does make for a difficult situation. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sick of hearing myself yell, and I know she hates me. It's gotten to the point where yesterday I had to yell yet again to get her to listen and she ran upstairs. Phil asked if she went up there cause she was mad and I said yes. He went up there and she was banging her feet on the ground and then jumped into bed and was screaming, I hate, hate, hate over and over all while kicking her feet. How did we get to this point? What the hell am I doing wrong? I honestly feel so inadequate in so many areas right now I have been a little down lately.

I just hope that I can fix this somehow because I don't want her to grow up and hate me. I really want to be close to her. Hopefully things will get better soon!

Anyway I need to get to bed now. It's so late and I am exhausted.