Christmas ramblings!

The holiday season is in full swing and boy is it busy! I love it though! I love Christmas so much! I love the decorating, the baking, the lights on the tree, the music. I guess I really am just a big child! I am excited to have 2 children and an awesome husband to celebrate with this year! I can't wait to see the kids on Christmas day tear into their gifts! Emma doesn't get that excited about gifts, she acts all embarrassed, but Ethan has already opened on on Thanksgiving from his Auntie Lanna and he tore right into it! I can't wait to see him that day!

Ethan is 8 months today! Boy did that go by fast! He crawls everywhere and eats "people food" as Emma calls it! LOL! He is so big! He is a healthy 19 lbs at this point, and I am hoping that will slow down for him a bit! He goes through clothing like diapers!

Today we have school and dance class, and on Friday the Elementary school has a Santa's workshop where they sell items at the school and allow the children to purchase inexpensive gifts like pads of paper, and a snow scraper (our gifts from last yr.) for their parents! Emma asked me to chaperone and walk with the teachers and 20 pre-schoolers over to the Elementary school. Luckily it's just across the street from the pre-school and though it seems like alot of work to bring the baby and help out with all of those 4 yr olds I think I will do it 1. because she wants me to, and 2. because that's why I am a stay at home mother. I can participate in these things and I want my children to look back and know that mom was always there for them!

For those of you who don't know, I don't exactly get along with my mother. We have a rocky relationship, and it's sad. But my mom has many issues that she hasn't dealt with from her past and it affects her relationship with us now. With that said, I have learned to take the relationship for what it is. I have actually learned alot from my mom, and as bad as she was she was always at school helping out. I am not sure what the motives were, and at times it was highly embarrassing but looking back I am glad that in her little way she was there fro us though at the time it was hard to see.

There is so much that becomes clearer to you when you are grown. We used to think my mom was so mean because she would drop us off at school and make us walk almost a mile home after school got out. My mom was a stay at hom mom and I never understood why she couldn't just come and get us. Looking back it's all clear. 1. perhaps she needed a break from kids....don't we all sometimes? 2. She had 2 little kids at home with her. My brother and sister are only 17 months apart and they are 10 and 11 years younger then me. They needed naps, but that never once dawned on me when I was younger! Not until I became a mom of 2 did it all make sense!

I am thankful for wisdom with age. It's helped me understand my mom and forgive her. And though our relationship is still not great, she does alot for my children (buys their clothes etc) and in a way it's her way of making it up to me. Yes there are times I wish we had a good relationship, but there is great freedom in accepting things and moving on. i know it will never be like that, but I love her regardless. She's my mom. And though it wasn't and still isn't easy at times, I have learned alot from her. She hated Christmas! When she was young Christmas was always awful for her. He parents were awful to her. But though she was always grouchy when we were kids I know how that feels, and I have used that to appreciate the little things and when that grouchiness creeps in with the normal hustle and bustle and I can step back and make things better!

So thanks mom, for volunteering at school, for being grouchy so I could be better and make Christmas more special for my kids. Though not always done with the right attitude on your part, you did teach me some valuable lessons for raising my children. You did impart some good things in us, and you broke half the cycle that ran in your family. Thankfully I can completely eliminate that with my family.

Thank God for forgiveness, wisdom, and healing. And truly with forgiveness comes an amazing perspective and freedom for your own life.