I am about to loose it.

Still nothing. I hate not knowing what is going on. So we still MAY be moving next week but I am not sure. No word back yet. I tried to call once a couple of hours ago but she was out of the office so I guess I will try again in a few minutes. Normally I am so laid back but when it comes to things like this I like to know what's going on. Afterall, we could be moving next week. I think it's a test of my faith and patience. I really hate buying houses, and when we moved here I said this was it....I did not want to move again. But here we are two years later waiting to here whether or not we will move. Don't get me wrong I want to move, there is just alot that has to happen here in the next week.

And my son turns one not this Saturday, but the following Saturday. And I am really looking forward to throwing him a b-day party with all my family. If not, sad to say, he won't get one. And I know in retrospect it doesn't matter at all. But it does matter to me. Come on now we all know we have the parties for our sakes, for our memories, for our pictures. The kids don't remember a darn thing. But I would still feel as if I were cheating him in some way if we weren't able to do it. Yes life isn't all about the party, but I really like doing things like that.

So as I sit here and ponder why we still don't have an answer, I can only think that it's just what I said....a test of faith and patience. It is so incredibly hard to have these things in times like this. I am an instant gratification girl and perhaps a bit of a perfectionist. If it's a bit difficult I tend to give up....(a trait that my daughter picked up that I hate in myself) but at least I acknowledge it as a problem and I am trying my best to control it when inside I am seconds from having a breakdown. Most things don't come easily to me, and I get frustrated waiting...to get it right. It's awful I know. I want to say I have mountains of faith and in some instances I do....just not now. Maybe part of it is not wanting to get my hopes up to find out that it won't happen. Let's face it...we have already lost one house (by our choosing) so it's easy to give up.

I just can't wait until this is all over. I will be jumping up and down for joy knowing that the house is ours and the stress is gone. Well at least this stress.

Anyway I guess I will try to call her again. I feel like I am being a pest but I suppose this is her job and she is making alot of money off of this. I will let you know!