He's still talking.........

The past week has been a rough one, but I am feeling better now. I have spent a lot of time praying about our situation telling God how I felt and also asking forgiveness for being so selfish at times. It is so frustrating for me sometimes because I feel like I don't know what to do, or what God wants me to do. I was telling Him this and that I wished sometimes He could just audibly talk to me...even though I think it would scare the living daylights out of me, I would know without a doubt what He wanted for my life and what was His will.

After my long cry fest I went to the basement to do some laundry. We have a bookshelf down there with several books on it. For some reason I walked over to the shelf and saw a devotional book sitting there that I hadn't read since we moved. I have a tendency of doing that these days. Life has been pretty hectic so I will start a book, put it down forget about it and start yet another. I think I have about 4 of them going right now : ) but that is besides the point. Anyway, I noticed the books and then turned to walk away and load the washer. Then something in my head said get that book and read it. Pick up where you left off. I almost didn't listen, but then thought I should grab it.
I loaded the washer and with book in tow headed back upstairs. I opened it up and began reading and the section I am on is all about hard times. Hmmmmmm....coincidence? I think not.

A few things really stood out to me and I will paraphrase them hear for you.

First one An Unending Supply by Sheila Walsh

John 2:1-5 (New International Version)

John 2
Jesus Changes Water to Wine
1On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, 2and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."

4"Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come."

5His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

Sheila used this verse to shine some light in my life. She was saying of all the miracles Jesus preformed why was this his first? It seems pretty insignificant considering what He could do.
In the story the servants brought the empty jars to Jesus. He told them to fill them with water, and He did the rest. Not only did Jesus do the rest but He gave them so much more then they needed (wine that is).

The point for me is that I have to do my part and there are limitations on what I can do. I can't make it all happen, neither could the men who filled the jars with water and brought them to Jesus. All I can do is take what I have, give it to Him and let Him do the rest. This miracle was a sign that Jesus is who He says He is and if we do our part He will give us so much more then we think we need.

The second one I read was "He Giveth More Grace" by Mary Graham

Ecclesiastes 7:14 NIV

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.

John 16:33 (New International Version)

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (New International Version)

18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Sometimes I loose sight of this. God uses all the garbage to strengthen us. Whether it be our faith, or patience, or maybe just to make us more aware.

This was the case when I lost my babies. It was such a hard thing to go through, especially to have to do it twice. Quite honestly it's the most painful thing I've ever dealt with. But the only way out of it was through it. I had to feel the pain and turn to God who was the only one who could truly understand. That whole experience has given me greater compassion towards those who do loose a child. It's something that you can't fully understand unless you have gone through it. How much a tiny being really touches your life...though you never really knew them.
I have to trust that what we are going through now will have the same outcome. Even though I don't see the end result God will take care of it. He's will use this and me to show His love through all of it.

A hymn written by Annie Johnson Flint "He Giveth More Grace"

"He giveth more grace as the burdens grow greater.
He giveth more strength as our labors increase.
To added affliction, he added His mercy;
To multiplied sorrows He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
when our strength has failed when the day is half done,
when we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving is only begun....

His love has no limits
His love has no measure
His power no boundary known unto men
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
he giveth, and giveth and giveth again.

And the last one Resting in Grace by Sandi Patty as excerpt from her devotion

"It is the coolest thing to know that God will always give us just what we need when we need it. Never early, never late, but just when we need it."

How true that is. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the circumstance I forget to look back on God's faithfulness. The wait can be excruciatingly painful but He always shows up just in time. I often think I know what the timing should be and get anxious and ticked when it doesn't happen. But then we somehow make it through...and when God does comes through its usually at a time that is much more desperate.
Thank God, that He knows better then me.

I love how God does that. I talk to Him and I have to admit I get mad sometimes waiting in the silence. I wish He could just shout to me. But then when I least expect it, He uses every avenue around me to "shout" in His own way. Learn to listen to the small voices that tell you to do something. Often times it's God trying to get your attention. Trying to let you know that He is still there, and still cares even if YOU cannot always feel it. That's part of what faith is. Trusting God, even when you think He isn't there. Faith isn't about feelings.

And above all, try to remember that God will not always answer you in the same way He has answered others. That was a tough one for me. I saw someone who was in the same boat as us with moving and selling their house. In this economy, they sold their house in 6 weeks! Praise God! I kept comparing my situation to theirs. "well their house sold so surely you can do that for us." I even counted down "well God it's been 6 weeks...come on now sell the house for us."
But truth is, it's not like God isn't answering us...it's just not His plan for us. But that's ok....(took me a while to get there)He has something else in store for us. And even if it comes down to us loosing that house He can turn that around for our good. He can use that. I truly believe with all my heart that this job has been given to us as a gift from Him. Phil is home every night, the company is great, he loves his job etc. So why wouldn't God take care of the rest? He will....just not the way I think is best.
And everywhere I turn He is screaming the message in my face. "I am here....you will have troubles, but I am here. Do what you can, and I will do the rest. I will show up in just the right time."

Is God trying to speak to you? He speaks in unusual ways, so be sure to keep your eyes and ears open because you'll never know what He will use.