Showing

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD
Psalm 27:14, NLT

We have a showing tomorrow night! Please pray that this is the one. The timing seems to be perfect as any offer that comes now, allows us to finish off preschool here and move over the summer. It seems like this could work out great and our house looks gorgeous outside right now with all the spring flowers in bloom etc. I am excited but trying not to get too excited in case this isn't the one. I need to keep this verse in mind and trust this will out work out in God's time! It's hard not to be human though! :)

Mantra

I heard something really great today about the power of words. Just like a nasty word can ruin you before it finishes leaving the mouth, good words can change your life. How often are we so HARD on ourselves? I am too fat, I am so lazy, I can't keep my house clean, I am not organized, I am a bad mother! Lets stop being so hard on ourselves. We are of course, are our worst critic, but let's take that negativity and turn that around for good. I am going to try this and see how my life changes. People swear by it! So here and now I begin my daily mantra. I will say this to myself at least once a day and see how much it really matters, and what difference if any, it makes.

1. I LOVE to exercise
2. I want to be healthy
3. I will get out of debt
4. I will play with my kids more and have more fun
5. I will be a more supportive wife in every area
6. I LOVE to clean
7. I am organized
8. I will save more money

That's all I can come up with at the moment, but those in themselves are quite BIG feats to take on. I am sure I will be plenty busy trying to better myself in those 8 areas, and I am sure there are many more that need to be worked on as well!!!!

Out with the negative in with the positive!!!! Certainly couldn't hurt anything.

Fearless

2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:2-4


As I sat and watched my son today this verse really spoke to me. I saw him practicing his new trick! CLIMBING! He isn't walking yet, but he has gotten very good at manuervering objects to climb on top of chairs, tables etc. He is a smart boy but when it comes to knowing the outcome he is clueless. He doesn't know that he could fall with one little misstep. He IS FEARLESS. God spoke to me with this little illustration saying that this is how we are to be in our lives. ....FEARLESS. Often times we sit and worry too much about the outcome, we let fear rule us when in all reality there isn't much we can do to control our lives anyway. The big things will work themselves out and really we can't do much to change the way it ends. Our story is written, the plan is laid out. The truth is that only God knows the outcome and only God can direct our lives, so long as we are trusting in Him. I have been consumed and anxious about this moving situation and have had fears that this may not work out. That our house won't sell. And at times the enemy keeps trying to deceive me with the little things that come my way. For instance yesterday I got a call from the realtor asking if I wanted to reduce our asking price. I immediately thought "she thinks it's not gonna sell." I refused knowing that we will be here until June regardless, but those words and thoughts resonated with me throughout the rest of the day. Then this morning I read that verse and watched my son and thought it would be great to truly be a child again, so innocent, so trusting, so free, so fearless.

I have to remind myself that when things seem impossible GOD IS POSSIBLE. I was hopeless when I lost my baby 2 Easter's ago, but what joy I found 1 year later on Easter Sunday when my son was brought home. God IS good, and when life doesn't go the way we plan we have to trust in that Sunday morning! God WILL provide our needs. This is HIS promise to us.

Updates

Well it looks like we will be New Yorkers for a while longer. Nothing has come through with this whole rent to own bit and quite honestly we are getting sick of the whole thing. I thought renting to own would be easier at this point but it turns out to be one of the hardest things we've done. So for now we are staying put until our house sells. Which in some ways is fine with me because Emma will be able to finish school here and I can finish my MOPS group. Unfortunately Phil will be gone alot while working out in the Northeast. But it's not the first time we've done this and at least he will be here every weekend. I never imagined I would be able to care for myself on my own while he was gone never mind with 2 children, but for the most part I think I am coping really well!!!

So we are in planning stages for Ethan's first birthday. My sister-in-law so graciously offered up her house as the party place so we will be driving down there to have a party for him in a couple of weeks. I am so excited about the party, but not so excited at the thought of getting in that car yet again, to drive 7 hours! UGH! This will be the 6th time since February and it's really starting to get old!

That's about all that's going on here. Ethan is not walking yet, but hopefully will be soon.

He fell today and got his first "big boy" boo boo. He bit his lip and blood went everywhere! Poor baby, handled it quite well. But those mouth bleeds never seem to stop, they just gush and gush forever. Luckily it's all under control now and he is down for his morning nap!

It's going to be 60 degrees today! We have been outside the past 2 days walking and enjoying the weather! So nice. I am really ready for this weather. Winter gets so depressing after a while!

so that's all for now. I need to get some things done around here.

I am about to loose it.

Still nothing. I hate not knowing what is going on. So we still MAY be moving next week but I am not sure. No word back yet. I tried to call once a couple of hours ago but she was out of the office so I guess I will try again in a few minutes. Normally I am so laid back but when it comes to things like this I like to know what's going on. Afterall, we could be moving next week. I think it's a test of my faith and patience. I really hate buying houses, and when we moved here I said this was it....I did not want to move again. But here we are two years later waiting to here whether or not we will move. Don't get me wrong I want to move, there is just alot that has to happen here in the next week.

And my son turns one not this Saturday, but the following Saturday. And I am really looking forward to throwing him a b-day party with all my family. If not, sad to say, he won't get one. And I know in retrospect it doesn't matter at all. But it does matter to me. Come on now we all know we have the parties for our sakes, for our memories, for our pictures. The kids don't remember a darn thing. But I would still feel as if I were cheating him in some way if we weren't able to do it. Yes life isn't all about the party, but I really like doing things like that.

So as I sit here and ponder why we still don't have an answer, I can only think that it's just what I said....a test of faith and patience. It is so incredibly hard to have these things in times like this. I am an instant gratification girl and perhaps a bit of a perfectionist. If it's a bit difficult I tend to give up....(a trait that my daughter picked up that I hate in myself) but at least I acknowledge it as a problem and I am trying my best to control it when inside I am seconds from having a breakdown. Most things don't come easily to me, and I get frustrated waiting...to get it right. It's awful I know. I want to say I have mountains of faith and in some instances I do....just not now. Maybe part of it is not wanting to get my hopes up to find out that it won't happen. Let's face it...we have already lost one house (by our choosing) so it's easy to give up.

I just can't wait until this is all over. I will be jumping up and down for joy knowing that the house is ours and the stress is gone. Well at least this stress.

Anyway I guess I will try to call her again. I feel like I am being a pest but I suppose this is her job and she is making alot of money off of this. I will let you know!

Good Friday..

Today is good Friday, i only wish I was feeling good. I woke up today with an awful headache and my heart is racing on and off. This may be due to the weaning off of the BC Pill I am on. I actually quit cold turkey after I found out the awful things it is doing to me. I hear it gets worse before it gets better! Not at all how I thought my Easter would go. My hormones are all messed up and I feel like I could break down any minute! Not to mention that we still haven't heard one work about whether or not we can rent that house and we are supposed to move in 1 1/2 weeks. I don't know what's so hard about giving us a rent amount. If he doesn't want to rent I would appreciate him just saying that. We had our hopes up and both love the house and the area, and now he is dragging his feet on this and it's really pissing me off. Talk about doing things at the midnight hour.

On a good note we have someone taking a look at our house tomorrow and I am hopeful that they will put an offer on it. They are getting married soon and looking for their first house so this could be a good option for them. I just pray this is the one because I stress out way too much over things like this and I need it all to be over with.

So hopefully this motrin will kick and and things will be better in a few hours. But for now I am off to clean!

A hot shower...........

....that's all I am asking for! I don't feel well, and the past 2 times I have gone to take a shower the hot water heater has been tripped and there is no HOT water. WHY? I am not in the mood for this.
I have been extra pissy these days and I really think it's the birth control pill that I am taking. It's giving me an awful time and I need to change but I think we are moving....key word is THINK, we still haven't heard yet, and i don't want to pay the doctor's payment here and then have to do it again anyway when we move since a NY doctor can only prescribe prescriptions in NY! UGH! I can't wait to tie my tubes! haha! Then I don't have to worry about all this!

I really need summer. I am tired of runny nosed kids, being stuck indoors, not knowing if we are moving or not etc, etc etc. The list just goes on and on.

It's just life really, I just hate moving. The waiting is especially hard. We have already started to button things up here and if we find out we are not moving it will be very disappointing. It's just the not knowing. I get like this every time. I want to know and then get on with things. We could move in 2 weeks, but then we may be here for a while as well. I don't know. Everything adding up just gets to you after a while.

Then I had plans to take the kids to the store to buy my niece a b-day gift and there is NO hot water to shower. No it's not the end of the world it's just the straw that breaks the camels back. Thankfully I have a shower, and a home.....it's just so hard to focus on the good at times.

Boy and I Debbie Downer lately or what?