Teenagers.....

My little sister hates me! I am really not that upset about it because she is doing things she should not be doing and I ratted her out. She did not come to me in confidence and tell me anything I just found out in a round about way and felt that I needed to say something to my parents as she could mess up big time. But of course she is 17 and thinks she knows everything so you can't reason with her at all.

I think the thing that most disturbs me is how accessible things are to kids these days. Granted I went to a private school and we had our share of problems but nothing like what she has available to her. She is 17 and I know for a fact she drinks alcohol. My question is Where do they get the alcohol? Where are the parents when these kids are drinking at vacation beach houses? It scares me for what I will have to deal with when my children are older.

I know kids are a product of their environment most times, but there have been cases where kids are raised exactly the same and one is out of control and the other isn't. It must be insecurity issues that make them give into the peer pressure. The need to fit in and be liked. What else is she doing that we don't know about?

Home schooling is looking more and more appealing to me these days...especially when I see things like this!

She thinks that I am mean and uncool but that's ok because I only do it to protect her. She is very naive and thinks that nothing bad could happen. I just don't want to come to the point where we look and have to say "I told you so."

I just know I can't sit back and watch her self destruct even if nothing changes I am at peace because I've done my part!

Answered prayer...a little preachy but hey it's my life!

I know some of you out there probably don't believe in God or have never seen or heard from Him directly, but I totally believe and trust in Him. I have seen Him work in so many areas of my life how could I not believe. I have to admit that I had been slacking off in the area of reading my Bible, and really had only been praying when I "needed" something...which quite honestly annoyed me. I mean, how would I like it if my children never talked to me except for when they wanted things. So, a few weeks ago I decided to get things back together and try my best to rekindle the relationship. Plus, again quite honestly a lot has been going on in my life that I don't quite understand and I needed guidance and help with. The issues:

1. Which is kind of personal (so bare with me as I try to explain without explaining)got answered tonight. I have been going back and forth about what was the "right" thing and what I should do. I felt strongly one way and another part of me said no...but I still felt that pull towards yes. I was so confused about what was right, and then I finally figured out that it's not my decision. That I needed to pray about it and wait for the answer rather then trying to reason it out in my brain. So on and off I have been praying about it for a little while. While I was in the shower today (really my only time to be alone...well sometimes) I began to ask about it again, and for wisdom on what to do. Well this evening I got my confirmation. The pull I felt towards the yes answer was the right answer.

2.I totally believe that kids are a gift from God, but oh what a financial burden they can cause! We have thousands of dollars of medical bills that need to be paid and we are getting there slowly but surely. But my whole take on this is that kids are a gift from God, God says he provides all our needs. Ethan was meant to be here and that has been reaffirmed often. I prayed for this baby before he was even conceived and I know that HE was the ONE that was meant to be here in our family. So I am trusting in faith that God is going to provide all the money to pay for those hospital bills. Why wouldn't He? He gave us this gift, surely He will provide the means to take care of Him. Still waiting for this to come to fruition, but I have faith.

3.My relationship with my mother. Some of you know and some don't that I don't get along with my mom at all. She was severely abused as a child by her parents in every way you can imagine. Unfortunately today she is still the "victim" of what happened to her and has so many issues to many to list. This makes our relationship very strained, and crazy to say the least. But I must say my mother has never repeated the cycle of physical abuse on us, and she does so much for my children (financially).

4.Friends! I can't seem to find any friends around here. It's seems as if there are no stay at home mothers (they are a dying breed). I tried to join my local MOPS group but was turned down because there is not enough babysitting for my kids. UGH! It seems as if it's another closed door. (I must say though, my myspace friends are fabulous and there for me all the time. I just wish I had a friend here to hang out with).

5.The coming around of so many friends and family. It seems like when I was younger I was surrounded by people who were Christians including my family. Now I am not saying that it's evil to hang out with people who aren't because I would in a heartbeat. I just feel like I am the only one who still has any faith of anything related to God. So many people I know have turned away. I hope and pray that they will find their way back. I want my friends and family there with me in heaven! 1 PETER 3 v 1- 2 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. NIV

So all this was prayed about in the shower today. #1 got answered and I feel like in a way the rest did as well. I opened up my myspace profile page and the scripture verse for today just so happened to be:

"Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14"

I know that God is faithful. He always is and I trust that He will provide solutions and answers to all that I have been struggling with. When I was going through the worst things I have ever gone through (loosing my baby) He was there, everyday for me. He promised me a son(I had a dream that I would have a son a long time before I even had Emma. And this was big for me, because I honestly did not want a boy. But once I heard he was a boy I was thrilled and I am so glad I have him) some time ago and I was so heartbroken when I lost that baby. But guess what last Easter I lost my baby and this Easter Sunday he gave me my promised son.

I may not have answers to all my questions but the one thing I do know is that God is faithful and He always will be. He will answer me, and it may not be the answer I want but He knows His will for my life. I just need to let go and trust in that.

Wow has it really been a month?

Wow I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted!

We have been busy this month with back to school preparations, vacation, and family visits. I actually have to go to the store today to buy Emma sneakers for school, just waiting for Mr. Ethan to wake up.

So my son is a genius! I know every mom thinks their kid is the smartest in the world, but mine really is....haha...just kidding. He does catch on quick though. When Emma was little I taught her some sign language to reduce crying etc and for the heck of it. Quite honestly I wanted to see if it worked. And much to my surprise it did. The first sign I taught her was milk. And every time she got her bottle I would sign milk for her. One day we were in the store and she started waving at me (or so I thought) but she was really signing to me that she wanted her milk! Awesome after several months she finally got it, and I felt very accomplished knowing I taught this little person to communicate with me before she could speak a word. So of course this time around I was going to do the same for Ethan. This past week I began signing "milk" to him everytime he got his bottle. Now he already tells me he wants to eat by licking his lips. He came up with this on his own, and basically I caught on to his sign. So if I ask him "Ethan do you want to eat?" he tells me "yes" by licking his lips 3 times! So I knew that he would probably catch on to the new signs quickly but I didn't know how quickly. Like I said I started this last week, and last night when I went to give him his bottle I signed milk and much to my surprise he began to sign it as well. I thought "well this is just a fluke, he can't be doing this already!" So I called Phil to see, and we encouraged him and let him eat. This morning he wakes up and Phil gets him out of the co-sleeper and he smiles at him and does the sign for milk again. Phil wakes me up and says "he's doing that thing with his hands again for milk". So I fed him. I can't believe he caught on already. I am SHOCKED to say the least. We'll see if this keeps up...we will keep reinforcing it of course. I just think that it's so smart of him to do that at 4 months old! I am hoping this keeps up. I know he has so many thoughts in there that can't come out cause he doesn't know how to express them. You can actually see the wheels turn in his head.

The first 3 months with him were rough, really rough. But I think it always balances out somehow. Who would of thought this cranky, irritable baby was so smart? Not that I think Emma is dumb, I think you know what I am saying.Both my kids never cease to amaze me! I love them so much, and thank God for such great little blessings!

Now off to buy shoes!

Ethan's teeth

So here are a few pics of Ethan's gums. No teeth have broken through yet, but to me it seems as if they are right there. It's hard to see in the pics, it's really hard to get a 4 month old to show his gums! LOL! But if you look close you can see the white of the teeth through the gums, and the two little bumps on top.

BTW-Tiffani-I have tried the teething tabs, they worked like a charm on Emma. Ethan on the other hand....it puts him to sleep after a few minutes but after about 20 mins he wakes up screaming again. They don't seem to be very effective on him for whatever reason. More proof of different things for different kids! Thanks for the suggestion though!!!!

Carrots anyone?

Ethan has been eating cereal now for about a week and handles it just fine. I think he is bored with the cereal........Emma was never a fan of Rice cereal either, honestly I don't think I would like it very much myself. So though he is not technically 4 months old but he was born 16 weeks ago so he is 4 months old to me! So I figured I would give carrots a try this week since I know that the orange veggies are easier to digest. Well we did and he seemed to like it! Here is a pic of his confused face....he's not quite sure what to think about it but at the same time he ate a couple of spoons full!

Mom, Does Jesus Live on Mars?

First I want to say that I am very open with my 4 year old. If she asks a question about something I answer her honestly and at a level she can understand giving only the appropriate information needed. I think that being with way with my kids will make things more open and honest between all of us when they become teenagers. Emma knows the correct names to body parts, she has asked where babies come from--obviously because we just had one--and so much more that it's even too much to list here.

Anyway, in her short life she has already had to deal with death and there have been several losses starting with the miscarriage I had last year. This year my in-laws dog got hit by a car and died, and our next door neighbor Mr. Dave...whom we talked to on a regular basis passed away just a month ago from cancer he was only 65. So with my miscarriage it was an easy thing to explain oddly enough. I told her that Jesus had given us this baby but then realized the baby was very very sick so he decided to take the baby out of mommy's belly up to heaven where there is no sickness anymore. That was easy for her to comprehend and she was happy with that answer. She never physically saw the baby, and accepted the fact that it wasn't here anymore. But then Laddie got hit by a car. Now Emma is a huge animal lover. As of right now we have 2 dogs and a cat, and she is always collecting frogs, and ladybugs, and snakes (WHICH I HATE) anything she can get her little hands on. So when we went for a visit at the inlaws and Laddie was not there, she immediately noticed and asked what happened to him. My MIL said that Laddie died and went to heaven. Ok fine. She thought that was a good answer to her question and understood what that meant. Then my MIL asked if we saw Laddie in the yard (he was buried way out back with a little tombstone etc.) I said no, and she said "come on I will show you. Emma then responds "How are we gonna get there?" "Get where, Emma?" "Heaven, Laddie is in heaven how are we gonna get there?" So rather then try to explain it we just left it at that because she got distracted with toys anyway.
So then our neighbor dies a few weeks ago. Phil went to the funeral but I did not because Ethan was cranky and though I am honest about everything with her , I did not know how I felt about her seeing his body laying there in the casket. So we explained to her that Mr. Dave died and that daddy was going to the funeral to see him. Again she asks "Are you going to heaven daddy?" and not putting two and two together yet..thinking she was just afraid that Phil was gonna die he said no. So she asks "then where are you going?' At this point he had to leave so to the best of my ability I explained to her the situation.
So are you ready for my response? I asked her about her frogs, and how when she catches them and leaves them in the house too long how they die. She said yes, they die. Then I said to her that the body of the frog was still here, but the frog was dead. Yes, she understood this as well. So I explained that this is what happens to people. We have a body, and inside of us is a ghost (she did not understand the word spirit). And when we die our body stays here and we bury it in the ground, but our ghost that is essentially us, goes on to heaven where we get a new body. So daddy was going to the funeral just to see Mr. Dave's body, but the ghost that was inside was in heaven and the body is dead. Totally understood all of it and dropped it right there.

Well last night I was putting her to bed, and she said "Mommy does Jesus live on Mars?" And I said no Jesus is in heaven but he made Mars. And she says "oh yah right." She goes on to say that someday she will go to heaven and I told her yes, but not until you are really old. And she said "yes and I will see the baby there (I have not talked about this baby in front of her in over a year), and I will see Laddie, and Mr. Dave. And I said " you sure will." Then she said "I will go to heaven without a body, I wonder what kind of body I will get there?" And I said "maybe a body that looks like an angel" And she said "no I think it will have skin, but I wonder what color I will be...maybe brown, or black." Haha! I said "yes maybe, we'll just have to wait and see when we get there."

It just amazes me how much of a thinker this little girl is. She sits and asks questions and will stop once she is satisfied, but she never settles for the first thing you say. She always prods deeper to try to understand more, and then she comes up with her own theories as well. I honestly am not saying this because she is my own child, but I have never run across a 4 year old who asks such complex questions. Maybe that's because I was never that child's mom and wasn't around to hear these things, or perhaps parents just aren't as open with their children. I get criticized often for how much I actually tell her. Most people wouldn't do into depth about death, but she wanted to know so I did my best to explain it to her in a way she could understand. And she never ceases to amaze me with the things she comes up with! I love her to death, she is certainly one of a kind!

Weary

I am so tired and worn out. I feel like the life is sucked out of me. I am overtired, and overworked(if that makes sense) and just plain old drained! The baby is back into a cranky time. I think he is teething in a major way. Nothing seems to help and he constantly has his hands in his mouth. I swear all 4 teeth are coming in at the same time. I feel so bad for him because he is finally over his digestion issues...he eats and burps normally and was doing great for about 2 weeks, and then the drool began and the incessant hand sucking and fussiness. He lives on Tylenol though it doesn't help him to sleep. It works for about 30 minutes and then he is up and crying again. I know this will pass, and I try to enjoy every stage he goes through because he may be my last baby, but after a while it becomes so draining. And I've had some help, but I've found that people aren't as willing to help out when you have a cranky baby. It weighs on ones nerves very quickly and the responsibility is again handed off to me, because I am the only one who can't just ignore it. I have to deal with it no matter what. THANK GOD FOR MOTHERS HUH? Whoever said being a SAHM mother was easy never did it! haha! Now could I please have some bon bons? LOL!

I feel like I want to sit around and hold a pity party for myself. There are so many issues going on right now, that I really want to sit back and say "oh woe is me". But the truth is...even when I do, do that....I still don't get recognition for it, and that makes me even more mad. Nobody wants to join the party except for me! LOL! But I know that's not how it goes anyway. I will be rewarded someday, it's just hard not to crave that reward here. It seems somewhat unfair to be honest, but that's what faith is all about.
Perhaps my expectations for others are too high. Maybe I am selfish looking for recognition when really I should be doing and giving regardless of all that. It's just nice to be treated as you treat others, and that's never what happens to me.....or at least it seems that way.
I know this is a phase. I am down in one of those Valley's and longing to climb the mountain again, and I know I will get there, its just hard not knowing how long it will last, why I have to be here etc. I know this road isn't supposed to be easy and I am tested constantly in my faith. But the great part is, that tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to do it all right, to make the right choices, to be renewed!


Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people. Galatians 6:9-10 NIV