From the mouth of babes.....

So I have been struggling lately with Emma and her picking up her toys. She will be 5 next month and is absolutely capable of doing this she's just a bit lazy. So yesterday I got fed up with it and I decided to try something I saw on supernanny. I gave her all day to clean up her room. I instructed her on what to do, and told her that anything left on the floor at dinner time would be taken away in a trash bag and she would have to earn it back. I gave her several warnings about our upcoming dinner etc and tried to persuade her to clean up. Finally it was dinner time and so I went up there to check on things. Of course nothing got done. So it killed me but I began picking up each toy and placing it in the bag. Emma began to tear up and ask if I was going to throw them away and I told her no that I was going to hold them until she could prove she could clean up and then I would slowly give them back to her. She immediately perked up and said "oh here's a toy" "You missed one over here." I thought this quite odd, but kept collecting. When I finished, she looked around the room and said "Well at least my room's clean now!" haha! It backfired! Thanks Supernanny!!!

BABY FOOD

This is kind of a silly post, but I made baby food for the first time today! WOW was it easy. I thought it would be really tedious but it wasn't and the best part is that the baby absolutely LOVED it! I had thought about it before but that was as far as it went. Today I was staring down a whole bunch of bananas that were starting to brown wondering what I would do with them all because I knew they would not get eaten before we left on vacation. I have made numerous loaves of banana bread already and thought...why not give the baby food a try. So I took my bananas and found some apples that were starting to get soft and I threw them in a pot to steam for 4 minutes! Yes 4 minutes....that's all it took. Then I took them out peeled them and proceeded to mush them all up. I decided to add some brown rice cereal to it for some bulk and then separated them into my ice cube trays! I had one whole tray filled and a bit left over so I decided to give it a try to see if he liked it! Well he wolfed down the first bowl and asking for another serving! So that's what he got! It was so easy and a hit! AWESOME! I think I may do this from now on. I just would like to purchase the containers from One Step Ahead so if I had to take a jar with me I could. Unless I save some of the food jars I have now for travel....hmmmm! It's so exciting to make nice healthy no preservative added food for this little guy! The only thing that could be better is to grow it myself then process it.....maybe next summer!

Things I am grateful for

I think in the everyday hustle and bustle of things we tend to forget to really great things in our lives. I have found that it's really easy to complain about things, but much harder to stand up and state the positive. So I decided to list some of the positives in my life here.

1. A wonderful hard working husband whom I have been happily married to for 8 1/2 years.
2. 2 Beautiful children, who are healthy and happy.
3. The roof over my head, heat, food, my car that is safe and runs.
4. For having a miscarriage. So much good has come from that and I have been able to help so many people through their own loss and somehow now, it all makes sense.
5. God's mercy. He gives us way beyond what we deserve. I really am a lousy person sometimes, yet he is always there providing for me.
6. Empathy. This year I have learned so much to get over my feelings and tap into the other side of the story. Sometimes our end isn't all that bad. And perhaps if we sat and listened a lot of good can come from a bad or inconvenient thing.
7. My daughter who does have her head in the clouds. It's so aggravating sometimes, but she is so sweet. She dances around in her own little world and can stop to appreciate the small things. The sighting of a lady bug makes her day. Time is not an issue for her.
She is funny. She always makes us laugh, and has from the day she was born. She has NO FEAR! She grabs life by the horns and embraces all it has to offer.
She is a people pleaser. She is a perfectionist. At times this can be a hindrance, but how great is that to want to do things right and to please.
She is thankful for everything she has. She gets this from her dad. He is always saying thank you for the simplest things and she has picked up on this. They thank me for every meal I make them. I need to learn this lesson and be more grateful for the simple things.
8. My son. He is the sweetest little boy ever. I get stopped everywhere I go and the first thing people say is "I can't believe how happy he is." He is smart. I swear he talks already. He mimics sounds so accurately and at correct times. He looked at our wood stove the other day pointed and said "hot" or so it sounded. He says "dada". He says "hi" when anyone walks in a room. And when I was on the phone with Phil the other day he pointed at my phone and said " e ro, e ro, e ro" (hello, hello, hello). He is so beautiful and sweet and I can't imagine my life without him. He was meant to be my son. He was the one chosen to be in our family. I feel there is something great in store for this little one.
9. For forgiveness. For myself and that I am able to give it to others. Forgiveness sets you free.

The list could go on and on, but that's what I am feeling at this moment. I hope during this Christmas season we can all sit back and see the beautiful blessings that our in our lives. Find joy in the small things. Allow yourself to live in the clouds every once and a while. It never hurt anyone to appreciate the small things!

Slight Revelation

I was researching some solutions for Emma and I realized ever year around this time she turns into a little brat. And no, it's not because she receives toys. I think I figured it out. SUGAR!

"Without a doubt, a diet filled with refined sugars is the number one cause of behavior problems, moods swings, and attention deficits in young children."

It's so hard this time of year to avoid these things. There are Christmas parties around every corner, Christmas cookies that we make every year, candies, cupcakes, cakes etc. YIKES! Sugar overload! And my lovely daughter has a habit of sneaking candy and sweet treats quite often. As many of us, she has quite the sweet tooth!

I think the minor flaws that she has are compounded by the effects of the sugar running through her body. I am hoping that I will be able to regulate all this better and get her off of the sugar, so I can have my sweet little girl back.

Frustrations

Things with my soon to be 5 year old daughter have been really rough lately. I don't know if it's a stage, if it's me, or something else, but I am almost at the end of my rope and know that things need to change. I really feel bad complaining about my daughter because she does have so many good qualities (bring on the mommy guilt) but at times, well most of the time lately, we seem to always be at odds. I haven't had a smooth good day with her in quite some time now. The issues:

1. She needs to be told several times to do even the simplest of tasks. An example of this is "Emma can you please put on your shoes." I am completely ignored. "Emma go put your shoes on." She runs around head in the clouds doing whatever. "Emma we're going to be late, please put your shoes on." "I can't find them." "Emma they are on the rug like they always are, go put your shoes on." "I can't do it." Emotions escalate at this point. " EMMA PUT YOUR SHOES ON!" "I CAN'T DO IT! I HATE SHOES! I HATE THIS! I CAN'T DO THIS!" As shoes go flying across the room! Mommy freaks out, Emma cries, and still does not put her shoes on. I end up doing it.

2. She will not go to bed. Though nothing has changed. She comes downstairs at least 5 times after being put to bed asking for the silliest things. She usually ends up falling asleep 1- 1/2 hours after I put her in her bed the first time. Huge frustration for me. By the last time I am ready to rip my hair out. Yelling to get to bed, all while thinking I don't want her to have to go to bed like this....why can't she just go to bed after our nice routine every night?

I just can't get her to listen to a thing I say. She has to be told several times and then finally yelled at before she listens to me. Things end in tears and guilt on both sides.

She is mean to her brother lately. She hits him now. She also picks him up when she has been told over and over not to. She dropped him on his head a couple of days ago. Then she dragged him all the way upstairs while I was peeing. Lord only knows how, Ethan is 19.5 lbs, Emma is 35 lbs. I have no clue how she does it.

I don't want to bring the baby everywhere with me because I don't think it will help anything. I think it will make her more jealous and add to the problems.

It's awful to say but it's nicer when she is in school. Things are peaceful. I am just at my wits end with her. She is so difficult lately and I feel like a horrible mother because there are times I just don't want to be near her. Why can't she just listen! Is it so hard?

I suppose having a child with it's head in the clouds is not always a bad thing but it does make for a difficult situation. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am sick of hearing myself yell, and I know she hates me. It's gotten to the point where yesterday I had to yell yet again to get her to listen and she ran upstairs. Phil asked if she went up there cause she was mad and I said yes. He went up there and she was banging her feet on the ground and then jumped into bed and was screaming, I hate, hate, hate over and over all while kicking her feet. How did we get to this point? What the hell am I doing wrong? I honestly feel so inadequate in so many areas right now I have been a little down lately.

I just hope that I can fix this somehow because I don't want her to grow up and hate me. I really want to be close to her. Hopefully things will get better soon!

Anyway I need to get to bed now. It's so late and I am exhausted.

Tired

Last night was one of those nights! You know what I mean. I just get Ethan down and am getting Emma ready for bed. Lo and behold Ethan wakes up screaming and just wants to be held and rocked to sleep. I get him back down, bring Emma up to bed and she comes down crying that she is too hot! What too hot? In NY in winter? So she changes and goes back to red. Ahhh peace and quiet. I got to check my email, and Ethan is up yet again. SCREAMING really loud this time. I think it's gas cause he lets out some huge burps, spits up and painfully falls asleep in my arms after about an hour. Put him back to bed. Come down stairs get my shower for the day....yes it was 10:00 pm! Then Phil and I went to bed. Talked for a while and finally feel asleep at midnight. 12:45 and what do I hear.....nope NOT Santa's reindeer.....a little boy who is starving. So I get up feed him, and fall asleep with him on the couch until 2 am. I wake up stoke the fire and bring him back to bed which means back to bed for me. Until....4:30 am. Our yellow lab Haley begins violently wagging her tail against our floor, waking both Phil and I up. She was fine, just having a bad dreams or something, but please....dream quieter! Then at 6:30 this morning my little guy was up again ready to start the day! And now I am tired, my eyes hurt, and I feel cranky. So I am hoping I will be able to control my feelings today and not take it out on the kids. Luckily Emma has school so she should be good today!

Off I go to start....I mean continue my day!

Christmas ramblings!

The holiday season is in full swing and boy is it busy! I love it though! I love Christmas so much! I love the decorating, the baking, the lights on the tree, the music. I guess I really am just a big child! I am excited to have 2 children and an awesome husband to celebrate with this year! I can't wait to see the kids on Christmas day tear into their gifts! Emma doesn't get that excited about gifts, she acts all embarrassed, but Ethan has already opened on on Thanksgiving from his Auntie Lanna and he tore right into it! I can't wait to see him that day!

Ethan is 8 months today! Boy did that go by fast! He crawls everywhere and eats "people food" as Emma calls it! LOL! He is so big! He is a healthy 19 lbs at this point, and I am hoping that will slow down for him a bit! He goes through clothing like diapers!

Today we have school and dance class, and on Friday the Elementary school has a Santa's workshop where they sell items at the school and allow the children to purchase inexpensive gifts like pads of paper, and a snow scraper (our gifts from last yr.) for their parents! Emma asked me to chaperone and walk with the teachers and 20 pre-schoolers over to the Elementary school. Luckily it's just across the street from the pre-school and though it seems like alot of work to bring the baby and help out with all of those 4 yr olds I think I will do it 1. because she wants me to, and 2. because that's why I am a stay at home mother. I can participate in these things and I want my children to look back and know that mom was always there for them!

For those of you who don't know, I don't exactly get along with my mother. We have a rocky relationship, and it's sad. But my mom has many issues that she hasn't dealt with from her past and it affects her relationship with us now. With that said, I have learned to take the relationship for what it is. I have actually learned alot from my mom, and as bad as she was she was always at school helping out. I am not sure what the motives were, and at times it was highly embarrassing but looking back I am glad that in her little way she was there fro us though at the time it was hard to see.

There is so much that becomes clearer to you when you are grown. We used to think my mom was so mean because she would drop us off at school and make us walk almost a mile home after school got out. My mom was a stay at hom mom and I never understood why she couldn't just come and get us. Looking back it's all clear. 1. perhaps she needed a break from kids....don't we all sometimes? 2. She had 2 little kids at home with her. My brother and sister are only 17 months apart and they are 10 and 11 years younger then me. They needed naps, but that never once dawned on me when I was younger! Not until I became a mom of 2 did it all make sense!

I am thankful for wisdom with age. It's helped me understand my mom and forgive her. And though our relationship is still not great, she does alot for my children (buys their clothes etc) and in a way it's her way of making it up to me. Yes there are times I wish we had a good relationship, but there is great freedom in accepting things and moving on. i know it will never be like that, but I love her regardless. She's my mom. And though it wasn't and still isn't easy at times, I have learned alot from her. She hated Christmas! When she was young Christmas was always awful for her. He parents were awful to her. But though she was always grouchy when we were kids I know how that feels, and I have used that to appreciate the little things and when that grouchiness creeps in with the normal hustle and bustle and I can step back and make things better!

So thanks mom, for volunteering at school, for being grouchy so I could be better and make Christmas more special for my kids. Though not always done with the right attitude on your part, you did teach me some valuable lessons for raising my children. You did impart some good things in us, and you broke half the cycle that ran in your family. Thankfully I can completely eliminate that with my family.

Thank God for forgiveness, wisdom, and healing. And truly with forgiveness comes an amazing perspective and freedom for your own life.