School days.....and other rantings.

Emma at her desk at school.

Today I am incredibly emotional! I am sure pregnancy hormones are adding to this insanity, I just can't help but get teary eyed today. Emma's school orientation went well. Her teacher is super nice, the classroom is awesome and she is going to have a great time...still it's so hard to let her go. I know I have talked about this before and I am sure everyone is so sick of my ranting! I just can't believe how quickly 5 years passes.

So much has happened in 5 years. I have been pregnant 4 times. We have moved 3 times. We've gotten 3 pets. We've been married 9 yrs! Life just seems to be zooming by. It's hard to enjoy it at times too. Emotions get in the way, stress complicates things.....things just slip right through your fingers. Today I should have been enjoying my last day with my daughter, but instead I was bitchy, tired, and moody. Granted I am positive most of it was do to the stress of the past week, but still it's not Emma's fault.
It's hard to put aside "grown up" things and enjoy the moment. I really need to work on this.

Oh Motherhood. No other job has caused me such anguish, guilt, joy, and laughter. I guess we just have to do our best and hope that they turn out to be decent humans.

I guess I feel like I am loosing everything. My baby girl is going off to school and will no longer be with me everyday. She has to take what I have taught her and make her own decisions without mommy. I know she will do well, this is just hard for me.
And then physically loosing a baby last week. Actually one week ago today.

I know I am probably being dramatic. Trust me I know. It truly is the hormones compounding all of this.

Above all, I trust that all this will work for God's good. He has a plan. And though I think this really sucks big time, I know it will all get better. If I hadn't lost baby 1, I wouldn't have Ethan. And Ethan brings so much joy to my life, I am so thankful for him. So I know, without a doubt I will have that joy again......but for now...I think I am still in mourning.

Like I said last time, it really sucks going through this, but there is no way around it. You have to go through to get to the other side. But thankfully the sun will shine again.