Can't sleep

It is 6 am here. I can't sleep. My stomach hurts. It's already starting to flatten.

I have to go to the doctor's this morning at 9.

Things are ok here in the daytime. I am busy with the kids, but it gets harder when they are in bed and the house is quiet. Even with Phil here.

He says maybe it was because of him. God says he doesn't give us anymore than we can handle. Phil says he knows he couldn't handle having a child that was really sick. I just don't know why God thinks I am strong enough to handle this again.

We'll get through it. We did before. You have your days that are good and ones that are bad. Today is gonna be hard, i can tell already. More exams, more emotion. Sad to say, but I wish it was just over with so i could move on. What I learned last time is that it hurts. It really sucks to go through this, but that's just what you have to do. There is no way under, over, or around it. You have to go through it. I know from last time I will come out standing, and God will surprise us once more. If I hadn't lost #1 I wouldn't have my amazing son, so good things to come out of this. I have been able to help both my sister-in-laws through their miscarriages last year. I just never thought it would be me again.

I will keep updating. I apologize in advance for the depressing, somber state of my blog the next few days/weeks. But this is my life, and what is happening now. It's very real, and it really sucks!