Random thoughts

Last night we had real bad thunder storms here. There were flashes of lightning what seemed to be every 30 seconds or so with huge thunder cracks. We even lost power somewhere in all of it. Of course none of this junk started until we wanted to go to bed. I am surprised I didn't sleep through it because I was so exhausted from the day, but no such luck. I had a weird dream last night that a raccoon was in our house and Phil wasn't here so I had to take care of it. It was evil and trying to attack my kids so I picked it up by the neck and tossed it outside but in the meantime it had bitten me. Then come to find out I get rabies from the darn thing and find out that I can't take the medication because it will harm the baby, but that's ok because the only bad part is that I won't be able to breathe well. Then it ended. Weird I know! Hormones are a funny, funny thing.

Today I went to get blood drawn that I should have done a couple of weeks ago but did not have time. Plus I had to wait until we got our new insurance cards in the mail before I could go......

Ewe...sorry. I can smell my neighbor smoking...its so gross. I hate cigarette smoke. And on certain days when the wind is right...you can smell it. YUCK!

...anyway so I went to the hospital to get my blood drawn and walking into the hospital gave me major anxiety. I am not sure why, but I am already a little anxious about delivering another child. I know..I have months yet to worry about this, but just walking in there gave me awful thoughts of dying.....CRAZY? Yes! The likely hood of me dying is slim to none but for some reason it still popped into my head. Not like there is anything I can do about it if I were to die. I guess no sense in worrying about it all the way up to the time right?

Then we were trying to get bus schedule info for my daughter. She starts school on the 3rd and we still hadn't heard anything about buses yet. Phil thankfully called for me cause I just did not want to deal with it....silly, I know, but it's just something I didn't want to do. Perhaps, I thought I would loose it over the phone....I mean crying and all. Afterall, this is my first baby going off to school. Anyway, so he called and said the lady was very nice. She gets picked up at 7:10 am every morning....Can you say early? School does not begin until 8:10 am so that disturbed me a bit. I know there are lots of stops they make, but it takes me 10 mins to drive to school. Does it really take 1 hour on a bus? The other thing I am not thrilled about is on the way home she will have to change buses. Is it just me or does that seem like a big task for a 5 yr old? Maybe I am underestimating her, it just seems to me that it would be a lot for a little girl to remember. I know part of it is paranoid mommy, and she will go and be fine. After the first month there will be no worries, I am sure of it. It just seems so overwhelming right now, and I am 28 years old. How is a 5 yr old supposed to adjust to all of this? Luckily Ethan will be able to ride with her when his time comes. Its just sad. I was crying today thinking about how big she is and how I only have a few more days to be with her all the time. I am going to miss her so much, and I know this is normal, and I don't want her to be afraid or sheltered her whole life...that wouldn't be fair to her....and I want so much for her to have this experience, but the other half of me is screaming....hold on to her..don't let her go! If nothing else, I think this helps me appreciate the time I do have with her. Helps make those annoying qualities a little more bearable.

Here is a poem her teacher has posted on the class web page about this very thing...I was balling!

We Left You At The Door
by James Singleton



We took you down to school today. You're just beginning now.
Although this year you're five
years old, you seem so young somehow! We didn't take you all
the way, for we'd been told
before, "Don't go into his room with him. Just leave him at the door."

Up to this time we've always gone together everywhere,
And we have had a lot of fun while traveling here and there;
But we well knew before it came,  we're parted more and more.
So many times we will stand
outside and leave you at the door. 

You're growing up so very fast. It's hard to keep in step.
The fact of changing years is hard for parents to accept.
You'll have to walk your path alone. No matter what's in store.
 We'll bring you up to life's
classroom. Then leave you at the door.

While you were ours these tender years. We treasured every day,
Full knowing that the time would
come,  when you would go your way. And though this love will still remain,
within our heart's
deep care. Our eyes will sting to see you go and leave us at the door!

Who knew you could love someone so much? That you would cry at the very thought of
them getting older.
That seeing them accomplish something would bring laughter to your belly, and tears to
your eyes.
That when they hurt, you hurt.
It's an amazing thing...love for a child and I am truly blessed to have been given these gifts
3 times!